The Xmen Present Ever After
by LadyKayaAndDuchessTea
Summary: It's Ever After, Xmen style! Employed by mutant directors, Kaya and Tea, the cast of Xmen Evolution find themselves right in the middle of a remake of the classic love story.
1. Casting and Insanity

Lady Kaya and Duchess Tea proudly present…

The X-men in a parody of…

The classic story…

Based on the traditional fairy tale…

Of true love and Magic…

Of evil and stepsisters…

**Ever After**

Let the casting begin….

"Good morning gracious X-men!" Kaya announced as she flounced into the room in a full floaty skirt and a top that looked like it had been pulled right from the fourteenth century, only without the holes and dirt.

"Uhhh, why is she talking like that?" Evan asked, scratching his head.

"She always talks like that," Tea said helpfully as she slouched in, dressed all in black. This unhelpful comment earns her a glare from her sister.

"I am merely getting into character," Kaya said, defending herself.

"No, you just always talk like that, and you don't even have a character," Tea said with a slightly evil grin.

"A-hem," Kaya cleared her throat, trying not to let herself get annoyed. "Welcome to our casting session!"

The entire cast groaned.

"Like, totally not you guys too!" Kitty protested.

"Yes, us too," Kaya said happily. "But you really are going to love this one."

"You mean Ah don't have to wear a stupid dress?" Rogue asked hopefully.

"And I can be someone with a decent part for once?" Jean asked.

"As if!" Rogue and Wanda said in unison.

"And I can be the lead male?" Scott asked hopefully

"Uhh…that would be a no for all three," Kaya answered quietly. "But you're going to love the rest of it! Really!"

"It's… Ever After!" Tea announced with more than a little sarcasm.

The entire cast slapped their hands against their foreheads.

"How is it we always get lumbered with the crazy directors?" Tabby asked, scowling.

"I am not crazy!" Kaya said, her hair flaring out as she began to levitate about a foot off the ground.

"As if," Tea grumbled, 'porting up to Kaya, taking her by the arm and 'porting her back down to ground level. Having landed, Kaya took a deep breath, and appeared completely calm again.

"Is she okay?" Bobby asked cautiously.

"I'm fine," Kaya said calmly.

"She's fine," Tea said, nodding. "She does that a lot."

"Ah love a woman wit a temper," Remy said happily.

"Why thank you," Kaya said sweetly. This exchange earned them plenty of glares from the resident Goth. Tea however is simply glaring at Kaya for flirting with a guy.

"She's also always doing that," Tea mumbled.

"Is anyone else worried about working for mutant directors?" Scott asked quietly.

"Yes," replied the entire cast.

"Hey try working with mutant actors," Tea said, nodding over to Pyro, who is staring into the fireplace, happy images running through his head.

Kaya looked at John, shook her head, and then spoke up again "On with the casting! The part of Danielle goes to……"

"Please be me, please be me," Jean mutters under her breath.

"Please not meh, please not meh," Rogue prays.

"Rogue!" Kaya announced happily. As the announcement was made, Tea 'ported over to Rogue, handing her a much dreaded script. "But we'll be using your 'real' name for the play, Anna. But we'll call you Marie for when you are pretending to be Nicole De Lancret."

"The part of Prince Charming, AKA Henry goes to…Remy!" Kaya said as Tea 'ported over and gave him a script.

"Together again then, chere?" Remy asked, looking over at Rogue.

"He ain't no prince," she huffs.

"But Ah am charmin', no?"

"Uh-huh," Kaya said, nodding dreamily. Tea 'ported back over and poked Kaya out of her trance. "Right, and the part of the evil stepmother, Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent goes to Mystique."

"Got that right," Rogue said, earning her a glare from Kurt.

"I think I'm getting type-cast in all these plays," Mystique muttered.

"The stepsister Marguerite will be played by Jean," Kaya said as Jean received her version of the script via teleportation. Rogue couldn't help but fall about laughing.

"I'm going to protest now," Jean said angrily.

"Don't," Kaya and Tea said together.

"I never get a decent part!" Jean said, carrying on regardless.

"That's because all of these plays are Romy stories!" Kaya said, trying not to loose her temper and levitate again.

"Sad, but true," Tea agreed.

"Hey!" Kaya and Remy said together. Rogue was nodding in agreement with Tea even though she was protesting in her mind. Hey, a girl has to keep her image, right?

"I still want a decent part," Jean whined.

"Maybe next time," Kaya said comfortingly.

"Maybe not," Tea said, earning her several more glares.

"Moving swiftly onwards," Kaya began again.

"Uhhh….we're not moving anywhere," Evan pointed out.

"It's an expression!" Tea growled as she 'ported in front of Evan, "We're English, so sue us!"

Kaya shook her head, and lifted her hand, raising Tea up with her telekinesis and putting her sister back down next to herself, while Tea glared at her big sister.

"Is she okay?" Ray asked tentatively.

"She's fine," Kaya said calmly. "She does that a lot."

"Oh joy, we have crazy mutant schizophrenic directors!" Hank said. "On the plus side, they do come from Shakespeare's country."

"Aye, good sir, that we do," Kaya replied in the odd old-fashioned voice. "Indeed we were born not fifty miles from the Great Bard's own birthplace!"

Hank nods approvingly, happy to finally know someone else who can speak in Shakespearian English.

"Poor girl," Tea said, shaking her head. The rest of the cast looks at her, wonderingly. "She had to sit through an English A-level," Tea said, as though that explained everything, and the cast nodded sympathetically.

"Back to the casting," Kaya said, shuddering as the memories of English lessons flooded through her mind. "The stepsister Jacqueline will be played by Kitty."

"Hey, I'm like, so totally not just in it for the food!" Kitty shouted in protest.

"Do not worry, Katya," Piotr said comfortingly. "I am sure they do not mean it to be taken like that."

"Which means of course that Piotr will get to play Captain Laurent," Kaya said as Kitty and Piotr gazed happily into each other's eyes. She glances to Tea, who, amazing, stands there with that same look on her face.

"Oh, my, God! You like that pairing that much?" Kaya asked, staring wide-eyed at her sister.

"Huh?" Tea asked, suddenly snapped out of her daze.

"Well, that pretty much answers that question. They are kinda sweet though," Kaya said, before flicking back to the cast list. "King Francis will be played by Logan."

"Finally, a half decent part," Logan huffed, crossing his arms. "That an' I get to yell a whole lot at Spice Boy over there."

Tea and Kaya burst out into laugher at the English pop culture reference, while the rest of the cast look completely bemused.

"You wouldn't have happened to be in England in the mid nineties, were you?" Kaya asked in-between giggles.

"I…can't remember," Logan murmured.

"By the sounds of it, you were!" Kaya said happily. "Ororo gets to play Queen Marie of France."

"And what about us, yo?" Toad asked, bouncing up and down just so he could be seen since he was standing behind Freddy.

"Ummmm," Kaya mumbled, flipping through the casting pages on her clipboard. "The Brotherhood have been cast as…." This time there is a pause not for dramatic effect, but because Kaya really can't think who they are.

"Party guests!" Tea exclaimed, "Cause we really _need_ party guests." She said, winking at Kaya.

"Right, yes, Party Guests!" Kaya explained, trying so hard to convince them that was the idea all along.

"Party guests?" Wanda repeated in disbelief. "You forgot about us, didn't you? Just like my FATHER!" With the last word, Wanda threw a hex directly at them, but Kaya raised a hand and sent the hex crashing into the opposite wall, which promptly turned into cobwebs due to the hexing power.

"And just for that," Tea said, "You can be the princess who has to marry the prince!"

"And just for that, I'll kill you!" Wanda shouted, throwing another hex at them. The rest of the cast ducks, but Kaya again only throws out a hand and stops the blue energy in mid air, but not before Tea 'ports out of the way, just in case Kaya didn't stop it. Kaya sent the energy into the wall again, causing the cobwebs and spiders that were there before to shrink and drop down.

Wanda scowls at both of the sisters, still dumbfounded as to how Kaya can actually stop the hexes.

"How do you do that?" Jean asked quietly. "I can't stop them."

"Ah think she's just better than ya, Jean," Rogue said.

"She's just always thinking about at least three things at once is all," Tea stated matter-of-factly.

"A woman who's got a temper and intelligence! 'Ave Ah even mentioned how much Ah like that?" Remy said, smiling at Kaya, obviously flirting.

"Which must mean she's better than you" Jean muttered to Rogue, still sore at losing out on the female lead. Rogue scowled in reply, before serving a retort.

"Well, Ah've got ta be better than you, since Ah'm always getting the lead parts in these plays."

Jean sent pleading eyes in Scott's direction, but he merely shrugged again. He was not going to get caught up in another quarrel. Besides, all the contenders were powerful mutants. Even fearless leaders aren't that fearless. Or stupid.

"Back to casting," Kaya said again, rather loudly. "Ahh, yes, here you are! Pietro will play Pierre Le Pieu, Lance will play the leader of the gypsies, Toad will play the page who spies on the royal court for Raven, and Freddy will play the man who drives the cart with all the doomed men in it. And, as Tea said, Wanda will play Princess Gabriella.

"Now, who else is there?" Kaya asked herself, flicking through the papers again. "Ah, yes, Kurt will be Gustave; Tabitha and Amara will be the maids Paulette and Louise respectively, with Bobby playing Maurice. Ray and Sam will be Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm. Magneto gets to be Auguste De Barbarac, while Xavier will be Leonardo Da Vinci. Rahne will be playing the Grand Dame."

All the cast members groan or are simply thankful that they didn't get too bad a part.

"And that's about it," Kaya said, taking a deep breath, while the uncasted breathed a sigh of relief. "Sorry to all those who didn't get parts. Shooting will begin tomorrow morning!"

And with that, all the cast troop off, with Rogue still glaring at Remy for some remark that he made.

"Well, I think that went well," Kaya said brightly to Tea.

In reply, Tea simply rolled her eyes, and 'ported out.

"Yep, that about sums it up," Kaya said with a shrug.


	2. The Filming Begins

Author's Note:

Thank you to everyone has reviewed! Mykella, musagirl15, and marajade963, we're very glad you like it so much.

If you haven't already guessed, this fanfic is being written by two people.

Insert Disclaimer here

By the way, we don't own X-men. Or Ever After for that matter. We do however own ourselves, and will not be taken over by any corporate companies. Thank you.

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The next morning, the cast assembled, ready for shooting, with everyone being shown their costumes. Rogue, of course, was not happy with all the pretty dresses she gets to wear, but is at least thankful they cover most of her skin. Jean, by a huge contrast, is very happy with the costumes, purely because they are all beautiful dresses.

Kaya walks in, dressed in something that pretty much looks like it was stolen from the films wardrobe. And, lets admit it, it probably was. Tea slouches in again, dressed in, what else, but black.

"Ya'll actually wear that stuff of your own free will?" Rogue asked Kaya, who nodded happily.

"An' mah God, she looks beau," Remy said, causing Rogue to give him a good slap across the face.

Tea glared at Kaya again. "You know, every time he hits on you, Rogue is gonna hit him," Tea pointed out helpfully, causing Kaya to have a dilemma.

"That's not fair," Kaya said, while Tea shrugged.

"Oh, Forge?" Kaya asked as she saw him walking by. "I need you to fix me up some image inducers so that the cast can play their younger selves."

"Yes! New toys!" Forge said in that oh-so-seventies way he has.

"But we need them in five minutes," Tea stated flatly.

"No problemo," Forge said, giving the two directors a small salute.

"What happened to people in the seventies?" Kaya asked Tea quietly.

"Bad hair and strange language," Tea replied.

"You should have seen the eighties dear," Kaya said. "Now that was scary."

"Yeah, you were born," Tea said with a smile as she got a rather severe glare from Kaya.

Five minutes later, all the cast were assembled in their costumes, and Forge walked in, bearing the new image inducers, which he handed to the cast members who would be needing them.

"Thanks Forge," Kaya said brightly.

"No problemo," he said again.

"Case in point," Tea muttered.

"Okay!" Kaya spoke out, in her best announcement voice. "Let's begin the filming!"

"Lights! Camera! Action!" Tea shouted happily in that director's way.

"The Brothers Grimm, Your Majesty," a random page announced, and Kaya and Tea have no idea where he came from, even though he has the first line in their play.

"Good day, gentlemen," Rahne said, trying her best to conceal her Scots accent. "Thank you so much for coming. I suppose you're wondering why anyone my age would request an audience... with the authors of children's stories."

"Your letter was most intriguing, madam," Ray admitted, trying not to laugh at how old Rahne had suddenly become.

"I find your collection of folk tales quite brilliant actually," Rahne confessed.

"Thank you," Sam said, nodding.

"But I must say I was terribly disturbed, when I read your version of _The Little Cinder Girl_," Rahne added, a note of harshness to her voice.

"There are those who swear Perrault's telling with its fairy godmother and magic pumpkins would be closer to the truth," Ray stuttered, trying to explain to the Grand Dame. "Hey, who's Perrault?"

"Charles Perrault is credited with first coming up with the story," Kaya said off handedly.

"Do you really know everything?" Sam asked, slightly annoyed.

"She knows nothing about stuff that really matters, but other than that, yeah," Tea muttered, earning her yet another glance from her sister. You'd never have guessed that they were actually really good friends, would you?

"It's not that," Kaya said. "It helps to be a telepath sometimes. Now, back to the script!"

"Some claim the shoe was made of fur," Sam said hurriedly. No point in making the directors angry again.

"Others insist it was glass," Ray added.

"Well, I guess we'll never know," Sam said, a little sadly.

"Forgive me, Your Majesty, might I enquire about the painting?" Ray asked, indicating a beautiful renaissance painting of Rogue that was hung up nearby.

"She's really quite er... extraordinary," Sam said, nodding.

"Got that right, eh chere?" Remy said offstage, earning him a glare.

"Her name was Anna...de Barbarac," the Great Rahne said in the most stately voice she could muster. "And this was her glass slipper," she said in that same hushed tone as she presented the brothers with an ornate box, within which was the legendary slipper. "Perhaps you will allow me to set the record straight?"

"Then it's true... the story?" Ray stammered.

"Yes. Quite," Rahne answered with a sagely nod. "Now, then. What is that phrase you use? Oh, yes.

"Once upon a time, there lived a young girl, who loved her father very much."

"And Cut!" Kaya shouted happily, simply glad that the scene had gone off without any big troubles. "Right, change of scene! I need Jean, Kitty and Rogue to put on the image inducers Forge gave you, so that you will look like your younger selves."

A large amount of grumbling is heard off stage, and Jean walks on, slightly smaller than she was before.

"I look ridiculous," she grumbles, then covers her mouth in horror at the tiny squeaky voice that came out.

"You sound it, too," someone said unhelpfully from offstage.

"Where are Kitty and Rogue?" Kaya asked, not seeing the other two.

"Kitty's standing at the door, trying to get Rogue to come out of her dressing room, and she's flatly refusing," Jean explained, still hating the way her voice sounded.

"Right," Kaya sighed, hopping out of her director's chair, and making her way over to the dressing rooms. "Rogue?" she called through the door.

"If ya think Ah'm comin' out lookin' an' soundin' like this, ya'll have another thought comin'!" came an angry reply through the door.

"Are you sure it wouldn't just be easier to, like, skip this scene?" Kitty asked.

"We need this scene," Kaya sighed.

"Yeah! It's the only one where someone dies!" Tea shouted from the set.

"I don't think that'll get her out here though," Kaya said quietly, before she had an idea. "Rogue? Remy's hitting on me again out here, an' if you don't show up and slap some sense out of him soon, I think he'll be asking me out next."

Kaya and Kitty glanced at each other as they heard mumbling coming from the dressing room, and then a rather small Rogue slammed the door open, stalking over to Remy with a very unhappy look on her face. Her turned to greet her with one of his best smiles, but all he got in return was a good slap in the face.

"Hey! What was that there for, chere?" he asked, rubbing his face.

"Ya know what it was for!" Rogue shot back as she made her way to the set.

Sorry, Kaya said to Remy telepathically. My fault, she added, giving one of her best smiles.

"Anythin' for a smile like that," Remy said happily.

"Ah heard that, swamp rat!" an angry voice came from the set.

"Lights! Camera! Action!" Tea called out.

Rogue sighed, wishing that for once she could get given a decent part that actually suited her. Well, this one kind of did, especially with Remy playing the Prince, but it wasn't as if she was ever going to admit that to anyone. Ever. Then she threw caution to the wind, and began her lines, knowing that the sooner she got it stared, the sooner it would finish.

"Oh, Amara, it feels just like Christmas!" Rogue exclaimed to a much older-looking Amara. "Ah get a mother and sisters all in one day!"

"Yes, it's going to be very exciting here, what with the Baroness and all..." Amara agreed. "Oh, hold still!" she sighed as Rogue ran across to the other side of the room.

"The master deserves some happiness after all this time, bringing up the child on his own," Tabitha said as she walked into the room. "Hey, are we sure it's a good idea to call our resident megalomaniac 'master'?"

"It's just in the script!" Kaya reminded, waving one in the air. Across the set though, Magneto began to look slightly disappointed.

"She must be lovely," Amara said.

"Ah hope she likes me," Rogue said quietly. "At least more than she does in reality," she muttered under her breath.

"She'll love you," Amara said assuringly. "Just be the little angel I know is in there somewhere!"

"And don't chew on the bones at dinner and give yourself away!" Tabitha reminded.

Right on cue, there came a faint banging from the window, as small pebbles hit the panes of glass, making Rogue run over to see who it is.

"Child, your father arrives any moment!" Tabitha called, exasperated, but Rogue pays her no heed.

"Kurt, Ah told you!" Rogue shouted down to him, trying not to laugh at how adorably cute her shrunken brother looked. "Not today!"

"You look like a girl!" Kurt shouted up at Rogue, trying just as hard not to laugh at Rogue.

"That's what Ah am, halfwit!" came the retort from above

"Ja, but today you look it!"

"Boy or girl, Ah can still whip _you_!"

"Hah!" Kurt called back, before 'porting away, starting the game. Before either Amara or Tabitha could stop her, Rogue had already run out of the room, chasing after her brother.

"Look lively, it's the master!" a much-aged Bobby called out to all of the extra servants milling around as they lined up outside the stately house, awaiting the arrival of their master. Finally, a set of carriages rolled up the drive, with Magneto leading them on his horse.

"Welcome home, Monsieur le seigneur," Bobby greeted Magneto, taking the reigns of the horse. "I see you have brought us a baroness."

"I have brought you an entire household, Maurice, I mean, Bobby," Magneto said as he climbed down off the horse.

"Maurice!" Tea shouted out, in a perfect imitation of Gaston, making the entire cast give her very strange looks.

"What's with that?" Bobby asked, more than slightly bemused.

"She says that every time someone says Maurice," Kaya said, then paused.

"Maurice!"

"Just a little extra reason for you all to get your lines right," Kaya said, hoping they did. It was all getting a little too weird, even for her.

Magneto nodded, then resumed the play. "But I seem to be missing a daughter."

Before anyone could speak again, the carriage door opened, and out stepped Jean, then Kitty, followed finally by a very stately looking Mystique.

"Oh... Eric," Mystique said, having gotten the voice and accent down perfectly. "It's absolutely charming, really."

"Papa!" Rogue shouted as she ran over to Eric, covered in mud from her fight with Kurt.

Eric laughed as he went to hug her, but the glare Rogue gave him was more than enough to stop anyone in their tracks, so he simply spoke to her. "Oh, look at you, just as I left. I'll wager your friend Kurt is around here," he said, glancing around.

"No, sir! I slaughtered him!" Rogue announced happily. "He's..."

Just then, Kurt walked in, covered in even more mud that Rogue was, muttering about how hard it would be to get it all out of his fur.

"Well, so you did," Eric said in his best not-scary voice. "I had hoped to present a little lady. I suppose you'll have to do.

"Anna, may I present the Baroness Raven de Ghent, and her daughters, Jean and Katherine," Eric announced as he introduced the others.

"Hello, Anna. At last we meet," Raven said in a voice that made it sound like a criticism more than a greeting. "Your father speaks of nothing else. Ladies, say hello to your new stepsister."

Kitty and Jean curtseyed neatly, before replying together. "Mademoiselle."

"And cut!" Tea shouted.

"Well done every body!" Kaya called out as the random technicians they had hired from…somewhere began to change around the scenery.

"I think it's going rather well," Kaya said to Tea.

"Please tell me you are joking," Tea stated flatly.

"Well, it could be a lot worse."

"Like Pyro setting fire to the set?"

"Yes, that would be a good example," Kaya said, nodding.

"Good. Because there he goes!"

"What?" Kaya spun around only to be faced with a set that had been set on fire by a not-so-innocent looking Aussie. "John!" she roared, levitating off the ground again without entirely realising it. "What have you done!"

John flashed her a smile, but was met only with a glare. Then, without moving from her position two metres from the ground, Kaya telekinetically moved all the fire extinguishers she could over to the fire and set them off, covering the damaged set in foam. Once the fire was out, just for good measure, she turned the extinguishers towards John, and fired them off.

"Oi, I was only 'aving a bit of fun!" Pyro yelled.

"Yes, well next time you feel like destroying the set, don't!" Kaya yelled back. Then she looked down and saw her feet were a way above the ground. "Umm, Tea?" Kaya said, looking to her sister for help.

Tea shook her head, grinned, and then 'ported out, reappearing nowhere near Kaya.

"Ya haven't got the hang of that power, have ya chere?" Remy asked as he stood below Kaya, casually shuffling a deck of cards.

"Thanks for noticing, and, no, I haven't," Kaya growled. "We don't have any mutant schools in England, so we have to make do."

"Ya could always come over to America," Remy pointed out.

"Look, I know we're here now, but we have other obligations back home," Kaya sighed. "Are you going to help me down, or just stand there?"

"If ya wanted my help, all ya had to do was ask," Remy said, slipping the cards into his pocket. Then, he held out his arms. "Come on then."

"What, just drop down onto you?" Kaya asked in disbelief.

"Ah'll catch you," Remy said.

"I have trust issues," Kaya replied.

"Well, we'll just 'ave to work on that, too," Remy said, giving her that grin that always made her crazy.

"Fine," Kaya sighed, getting ready to let go of her powers. "Do you swear you'll catch me?"

"Chere, Ah swear every day."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Ah know," he said simply, flashing another one of those grins. "Ah promise Ah'll catch ya."

Kaya closed her eyes, letting go of every hold her powers had, and fell, right into Remy's arms.

"See, Ah told you Ah could catch ya," Remy said as he set her down.

"Thank you," Kaya said, smiling.

"More than welcome, chere," he said, before striding off.

"Ya'll really like him, don't ya?" Rogue asked as she came out.

"Hey, he's sweet. It's a long time crush. I'll get over it," Kaya said, shrugging.

"What ever. Ah don't care," Rogue said.

"Yes, you do," Kaya said.

"What – how do you know that? It's not even true," Rogue blurted.

"Whatever," Kaya said with another careless shrug, and then she walked off too.


	3. Day Two of Insanity

A/N Thank you again to every one who has reviewed! We really do appreciate it, and it makes us want to write lots more. So, today, for your enjoyment, we have two new chapters, since the first is rather short.

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"Right people, get ready!" Tea shouted out through her newly found bullhorn. "Second day of shooting and we have a lot to do!"

"And John?" Kaya called out to the mad Aussie. "Don't set the set on fire again, okay?"

"Sure," John replied in that non-committal way.

"'Cause if you do, I will steal your flame thrower, and Tea here will 'port it over to Timbuktu."

"Okay, fine," John agreed. "Just don't steal my baby flamethrower."

"Riiiiiight," Kaya said, shaking her head. "Okay, places everyone!"

"Lights, Camera and Action!" Tea yelled through her bullhorn.

Rogue and Eric were sitting in her room, talking about everything and anything that Eric had seen on his long journeys. Then, he gave Rogue a bag, containing the present he had brought back for her.

She took it out of the bag, and ran her hand over the cover of the book.

"Utopia," she read off the cover.

"It means paradise," Eric explained as he took the book and began flipping through it. "This may be a bit thick for an eight-year-old. But we could add it to our library."

"Will you read some?" Rogue asked, feigning excitement.

"It's been a very long day," Eric sighed.

"And you're a husband now," Rogue put in.

"Yes, I'm a husband. But a father first and forever," Eric said. "We've been two peas in a pod, you and I, for a long time. I suppose this will take some getting used to."

"Did you see the way they ate their supper?" Rogue asked, changing the subject. "It was perfect! Like a dance!"

" Do you like them?" Eric asked, smiling.

"Very much."

"Good, good," Eric said, then paused, not looking forward to what he was about to tell her. "Because I have to go to Avignon in a fortnight."

"But you just got back!" Rogue protested

"I know," he sighed

"For how long?"

"Only... three weeks."

"One," Rogue demanded stubbornly, hoping to make a deal with her 'father'.

"Two," Eric tried to insist

"One!"

"T... two."

Rogue held out her hand, and Eric did the same, playing a game of rock paper scissors to decide how long he would go for. Rogue won and Eric sighed, rolling his eyes

"All right, one," he agreed. "Come on, go to sleep."

"'Night," Rogue said as Eric walked out.

"Sleep tight," he said from the door.

"And that would be cut!" Tea shouted through her bullhorn. "Would it not?" she asked, turning to Kaya, still with the bullhorn.

"Deaf now," Kaya said, rubbing her ears.

"And you weren't before?" Tea asked teasingly.

"Change scene!" Kaya yelled.

A few days later, the entire household were once again assembled outside, but this time, they were bidding farewell to their master rather than welcoming him home.

"I've never seen so many gloomy faces around here!" Eric said with a small chuckle. "I shall be back in a week."

"Then go. The sooner you leave, the sooner we can celebrate your return," Raven said sadly.

Eric kissed her on the forehead, then turned to his three daughters. "Perhaps by then, the three of you will know each other better." He crouched down in front of Rogue then, who was looking very sad to see him go. " I'm counting on you to teach them the ropes around here. The Baroness isn't used to getting her hands dirty."

He smiled at her one last time, then got off, and up onto his horse, where Bobby handed him the reigns

"Thank you, Maurice," he said as he took them.

"Maurice!" Tea repeated, shouting through the bullhorn.

"Bobby!" Kaya shouted over to the set.

"What? I didn't do anything!" Bobby said defensively.

"For once," Tea murmured

"No, I didn't mean it like that!" Kaya sighed, exasperated. "I was correcting Magneto!"

"You dare to correct me?" Magneto asked, flaring up and beginning to hover.

"YES!" Kaya yelled, flying right up into the air again, her voice becoming much louder than it should have been.

"Perhaps power struggles would be better fought off the set? Hmm?" Charles spoke up from where he sat.

"Yes, you're probably right, Professor," Kaya said quietly, nodding. "Umm, can someone put me down?"

"Coming!" Tea shouted through the bullhorn, before 'porting up to retrieve her sister.

"Thanks," Kaya said as she flumped back down in her chair. "Okay. On with the play."

"Safe journey, master," Bobby said, still more than a little worried at the evil glint that came into Magneto's eyes every time someone called him 'master'.

Eric nodded to him, then began to gallop down the driveway of the great house.

Raven sighed, then clapped her hands, bringing her three daughters to attention. "Come along, ladies. Back to your lessons," she said curtly, as though the events of the morning had been a mere disturbance to her. Jean and Kitty followed her, starting into the house.

"Wait!" Rogue called out, making Raven stop in her tracks. "It's tradition. He always waves at the gate."

Raven shrugged, giving Rogue a 'like I care' look, before stepping into the house. Rogue ignored her, then ran after Eric to see him wave at the gates. Half way down the drive though, Eric pretended to feel an awful pain in his chest, and he grabbed at it, before making a wonderful show of falling off his horse.

"Papa!" Rogue screamed, having seen this all, and she began to run towards him down the drive. "Papa!"

Rogue's yells brought Raven out of the house, and as soon as she saw Eric on the drive, she suppressed a snigger and began running towards him.

When Rogue had reached Eric, she knelt down next to him, taking his hand.

"Papa!"

"Eric!" Raven cried as she arrived, kneeling down next to her dying husband.

"I-I love you," Eric whispered to her, before turning to his daughter. "I love you."

"No," Raven gasped as Eric's head lolled back.

"Papa!" Rogue screamed, still holding onto his hand.

"Eric!" Raven called, as though trying to call him back from the dead, before a note of genuine terror crept into her voice. "You cannot leave me here. You cannot leave me here!"

Realising that he is gone, Raven got up and fell into Bobby's arms, sobbing. At the same time, Amara and Tabitha try to pry Rogue away from the body of her father, but she fights them off.

"Leave me, leave me!" she shouted through her tears. "Papa, please come back!"

_It would be ten years_ _before another man would enter her life._ _A man who was still a boy... in many, many ways._

"And _that _would be a cut!" Kaya shouted, leaping out of her chair. "Well done every body! Now," she said to Tea. "You can't say that didn't go well."

"Yes I can," Tea retorted through the bullhorn. Kaya, already annoyed with the thing, swipes at it, trying to snatch it away. But before she could reach it, Tea teleported it away.

"That's not fair," Kaya replied.

"Ja, I know," Kurt mumbled in the background. "I can't teleport things independently of myself."

"Come on," Kaya said. "That went really well."

Tea grinned, teleporting the bullhorn back to her hand. "Are you kidding? Magneto nearly killed you!"

"No he didn't," Kaya replied calmly, ignoring the bullhorn.

"Yes, I did," Magneto murmured.

"No, he didn't. He doesn't have enough power to do that," Kaya replied, just as calmly.

"Really?" Wanda asked, already starting to ponder the possibilities.

"Really," Kaya replied, nodding. "But that doesn't mean I want to get myself in a fight with him."

"Oh," Wanda said, then slouched off.

"We ought to go, too," Kaya said to Tea. "Before something else happens."

"Same time tomorrow everyone!" Tea yelled through the bullhorn. And she 'ported herself and Kaya out of the vicinity.


	4. Of Apples and Good Aims

The next morning the set was relatively quiet, but that was mostly because the directors hadn't arrived yet. No fights had broken out, the sets were all in one piece (and not on fire) and the cast were actually getting along. There hadn't been an argument in a whole two minutes.

Suddenly, the silence was broken, as the directors 'ported in.

"Good morning Vietnam!" Tea shouted through her beloved bullhorn.

The cast groaned loudly, but none were rubbing their ears so much as Kaya.

"We're not in Vietnam, yo," Toad said, hopping over.

"It's a film reference," Kaya explained to the now semi-deaf Toad. "So, are we all ready?"

"Like, mostly," Kitty said as she walked on set.

"Only mostly?" Kaya inquired.

"Rogue's refusing to come out of her dressing room again," Kitty explained offhandedly.

"Aww, does this mean Ah have to get slapped again?" Remy asked.

"No darling, don't worry," Kaya said with a sigh.

"Oh," Tea said, feigning disappointment.

"Why won't she come out this time?"

"I told her they, like totally didn't have black makeup in Tudor times," Kitty said.

Kaya sighed again and went off to the dressing rooms. "Rogue?" she called through the locked door. "We really need you for this part."

"Why?"

"Because you have to throw an apple at Remy's head."

"Why didn't ya say so before?" Rogue asked, finally coming out of her room and making her way towards the set.

"Ah am goin' to get slapped again, aren't Ah?" Remy asked.

"Not slapped, per se," Kaya answered.

"An' here Ah though ya liked me."

"I do like you. It's just in the script that she throws an apple at your head. There's nothing I can do," Kaya explained as she walked to the set.

"Can't ya rewrite the script?"

"Where's the fun it that?" Tea asked, slouching in her chair.

"Sorry, I can't," Kaya replied. "Someone laced the pages with adamantium."

Upon hearing this, Logan sniggered quietly to himself.

"Did you?" Kaya asked.

"What would give you that impression, Flouncy?"

"Flouncy?" Kaya asked, as Tea sniggered off in the background.

"Yeah, you got yourself a nickname," Logan replied before walking away.

"Please don't tell me you're happy about getting a nickname," Tea said to Kaya as she sat beside her.

"No," Kaya lied.

"Okay, places people!" Tea shouted through the bullhorn.

The scene opens on Logan and Ororo, storming down a barely lit corridor late at night.

"I signed a marriage treaty with the King of Spain...and that boy will obey me, bub, or there will be hell to pay!" Logan growled, and it was already painfully obvious that he doesn't have to do a whole lot of acting in order to be mad at Remy.

"But he does not love her, my lord," Ororo replied, trying to match Logan's pace.

"It's not about love!" Logan argued.

"Perhaps it should be!" Ororo protested

"If he is to become King, he must accept his responsibilities."

"A sapling cannot grow in the shadow of a mighty oak, Logan," Ororo argued. "He needs sunlight."

"He needs a good whipping."

"Really, Logan!" Ororo retorted, knowing that he really wasn't acting that much at all. "Can't this wait till morning?"

"If I can't sleep, neither shall he," Logan growled, storming into the next room. "Remy LeBeau, haul your ass out of bed, now!"

And although Logan has strayed from the script, no one yet has the guts to point this out.

Ororo sighed as she saw a long rope made out of bedsheets, tried on one end to the bedstand, and the other hanging out the window.

"Oh, no," she sighed, shaking her head. "Not again."

"Call out the guard! Bring him back! Dead or alive!" Logan shouted out to the guards.

"Logan, we need our hero alive, really," Kaya pointed out quietly.

"Whatever, Flouncy," Logan growled under his breath as he rolled his eyes. Why did people never parody horrors?

The scene cuts to a moonlit night, with dawn just about to break in the east. The palace is off in the distance, and someone is riding away from it as fast as their horse will carry them.

"Yah!" the rider shouted, trying to get away from Logan as fast as possible.

The next shot shows a clear light dawn, with the rider still tearing across the countryside on another horse.

"Come on, ya stupid beast!" Remy yelled at the horse, urging it on as it jumped yet another hedge. "Come on! Yah!"

As Remy tears across the field, Rogue looks down from her garden, where she had been gathering apple from the trees. Upon seeing the hose, she instantly recognises it as the one which belonged to her late father, and one she is fiercely protective of.

"Oh, no, ya don't," she muttered under her breath, dropping all but three of the apples she had gathered in her apron as she ran down into the field, determined to stop the thief.

As soon as she was close enough, Rogue took one of the apples, aimed and hurled it at the rider.

"Thief!" she shouted as he hit the ground, throwing another apple at him for good measure. "This will teach ya to steal my father's horse!"

Remy desperately tried to scramble to his feet again, but with numerous projectiles being thrown at him with meticulous aim (we can only assume Rogue practised her aim for this scene), this was a rather difficult feat.

"Mine slipped his shoe. Ah have no choice!" Remy protested.

"And our choice is what? To let you?" Rogue retorted fiercely.

"Ah was borrowing it!"

"Get out, or Ah'll wake the house!" she threatened. "Ya know how cranky mutants are in the mornin'!"

"Ow!" Remy muttered as a final apple hit him square in the face, thrown just for good measure.

Finally, he managed to stand, and as he faffed about, trying to get his cape in order, Rogue finally realised who he was.

"Forgive me, Your Highness," Rogue said as she fell to her knees. "Ah did not see you."

"Chere's aim would suggest otherwise," Remy complained, rubbing his head.

"And for that Ah know Ah must die," Rogue said, wishing to God she could change her lines.

"Then er...speak of this to no-one and er, Ah shall be lenient. 'Cause Ah'm nice like that."

"Gambit!" Tea yelled through the bullhorn. "Stick to your lines!"

"Yes, Ma'm," Remy muttered under his breath.

"We have other horses, Highness. Younger, if that is your wish," Rogue said hopefully, still not wanting even a prince to take her father's horse.

"Ah wish for nothing more than to be free of my gilded cage," Remy answered, glancing around nervously in case the guards were close behind. Or worse, Logan. "For your silence," he said as he poured a purse full of gold coins onto the floor in front of Rogue, before riding away as fast as he could.

Rogue stared at the ground for a few moments, before gathering up the coins.

The next shot showed Jean sitting at the breakfast table, looking rather furious at something or another.

"I asked for four-minute eggs, not four one-minute eggs," she said quietly, as though trying to keep her voice steady, before failing miserably. "And where in God's name is our bread!"

"It's just coming out of the oven, my lady," Amara answered quietly before leaving the room.

"Jean, precious," Raven said, looking over at her 'daughter'. "What do I always say about tone?"

"A lady of breeding, like ought never to raise her voice above the gentle hum of a whispering wind…totally," Kitty answered quietly.

"Katherine, dear. Do not speak unless you can improve the silence," Raven said curtly.

"I was not shrill, I was resonant," Jean replied haughtily, acting perfectly for the part. "A courtier knows the difference."

"I very much doubt your style of resonance would be permitted in the Royal Court," Raven stated flatly as she took a sip of wine.

"I'm not going to the Royal Court, am I, Mother?" Jean asked testily. "No-one is. Except some Spanish pig they have the nerve to call a princess."

"Darling, nothing is final until you're dead, and even then I'm sure God negotiates," Raven replied, then sighed at the state of the table before them. "Why is there no salt on this table? Anna!"

"Comin'!" Rogue shouted up the stairs as she moved past them and into the parlour, where Amara and Tabitha were still in the process of making the breakfast.

"She's in one of her moods!" Amara warned as she pulled the bread out of the oven.

"Did the sun rise in the east?" Tabitha wondered. "Hey, what is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," Kaya sighed. "I think it means something like 'did she get out of bed on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

"And what does that mean?" Tabitha asked, still confused by it.

"It's just an expression!"

"On with the play!" Tea shouted through the bullhorn.

"Yes, Tabitha, it did," Rogue answered, dumping the gold coins on the table for them to see. "An' it is going to be a beautiful day!"

"Look at all those feathers!" Amara exclaimed.

"What are feathers?" Tea asked, again through the bullhorn.

"It's what they call the coins," Kaya replied.

"Why?"

"I don't know – because they're French?" Kaya suggested.

"Hey!" Remy huffed defensively.

"Remy, you're not French," Kaya said, sighing again.

"Non, but Ah do come from the French Quarter of New Orleans," he replied.

"Child, where did you get this?" Tabitha asked, getting on with the play before yet more fights broke out.

"From an angel of mercy," Rogue replied, rolling her eyes at the silly wording. "Ah know what to do with them."

"Maurice-"

"Maurice!" Tea yelled out again, making Kaya hit her own forehead with the palm of her hand.

"I mean Bobby," Amara corrected herself.

"Maurice!" came the cry again.

Kaya quickly snatched the bullhorn out her sister's hands, then pointed it at Tea. "Shush!"

Tea held out her hand, and the bullhorn obediently appeared in it. "No!" she yelled back.

"If the Baroness can sell your husband to pay her taxes," Rogue said as she restarted the play, "Then these can bring him home. The Court will have to let him go."

"But the King has sold him to Cartier," Amara said sadly. "He's bound for the Americas."

"This is our home, and Ah will not see it fall apart," Rogue said softly.

"We are waiting!" Raven's shrill voice called from off stage.

"Take heed, mistress," Amara said, giving the coins back to Rogue before handing her one of the breakfast trays. "Or these coins are as good as hers."

"Morning, madame," Rogue said quietly to her 'family' as she entered the small dining room where they were eating breakfast. "Jean, Katherine. Ah trust you slept well."

"What kept you?" Raven asked sharply.

"Ah fell off the ladder in the orchard, but Ah am better now," Rogue offered by way of explanation.

"Someone's been reading in the fireplace again," Jean said in her most annoying singsong voice. "Look at you; ash and soot everywhere."

"Some people read because they cannot think for themselves," Raven said spitefully.

"Why don't you sleep with the pigs, Cinder-Soot, if you insist on smelling like one?"

"That was harsh, Jean," Raven scolded, but the way she said it made it sound rather more like a congratulation. "Anna, come here, child," she said, beckoning her daughter to her, and Rogue slowly approached. "Your appearance does reflect a certain...crudeness, my dear. What can I do to make you try?"

"Ah do try, Stepmother," Rogue replied, trying her best to sound sincere. "Ah do wish to please you. Sometimes, Ah sit on my own, an' try to think of what else Ah could do, how to act..."

"Oh, calm down, child. Relax," Raven said, seeing right through the masquerade.

"Perhaps if we brought back Maurice, Ah would not offend you so," Rogue dared to say.

"Maurice!" came the now familiar shout.

"Ah mean Bobby," Rogue muttered.

"It is your manner that offends, Anna," Raven said sharply. "Throughout these hard times, I have sheltered you and cared for you. All that I ask in return is that you help me here without complaint. Is that such an extraordinary request?"

"No, my lady."

"Very well. We shall have no more talk of servants coming back. Understood?"

"Yes, my lady," Rogue said before walking out.

"After all that I do!" Raven huffed, as though Rogue actually had something to thank her for. "After all I have done! It's never enough."

"Eggs are cold," Jean complained to herself.

"And cut!" Tea shouted through the obligatory bullhorn.

"Did that one go well?" Kaya asked hopefully.

"What do you think? No. We're working with crazy mutant actors."

"Try working with crazy mutant directors," Jean said as she walked by. "Especially ones with bullhorns."

"Shall we go back to our own dimension now?" Kaya asked, and Tea nodded.

"Ya'll are from another dimension?" Remy asked, intrigued.

"Oops," Kaya said, having not really realised what she was saying.

"Duh," Tea replied flatly, before 'porting them both out.


	5. Of Peasants, Nobles and Thieves

A/N Many thanks again to all of our lovely reviewers for their lovely reviews! We really do love seeing so many messages (and Tea gets all giddy), and we truly appreciate it, since it inspires us to write more insane things for this parody. Speaking of which...on with the general insanity!

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The next morning, Tea and Kaya walk back onto set, surprised to find it again oddly quiet.

"Uh, where is everybody?" Kaya asked.

"Dunno," Tea replied with a shrug.

"Did you teleport us to the wrong dimension again?"

"Uhhh…Maybe?"

"Well you should know. Are we in the wrong dimension?" Kaya asked.

"Jumping dimensions isn't as easy as it seems, you know," Tea retorted.

"Try again?" Kaya suggested. Tea simply gave a blank look, and Kaya waited for an answer.

"We could," Tea said finally.

"Try to get it right this time, okay?"

"I'll try, but we might turn into sofas instead."

"You're not actually an improbability drive, are you?" Kaya asked nervously.

"I could be," Tea answered, before 'porting them out.

The good thing is, they reappeared. The bad thing is, they were in completely the wrong place. It sort of looked like a jungle, only more…prehistoric. Far off in the distance, they heard an awful roar, which sounded horribly like a T-rex.

"Oh, no, you did not!" Kaya shouted. "I said we could do this one later!"

"I'm suddenly starting to hate my choice of movies," Tea mumbled as they 'ported again.

This time, they landed in a small village. You know the sort, where the friendly locals come out to greet you armed with pitchforks and shovels.

"No, this is my place," Kaya said, shaking her head. "We decided not to do the Brothers Grimm, remember?"

"It seems just the same as the set to me," Tea said. "The people are just as friendly, as well."

"It's not the same, trust me," Kaya said quietly. "Third time's the charm?"

"That was the third time," Tea pointed out.

"True," Kaya said, nodding. "Okay, fourth time's the charm?"

They ported out again and arrived…exactly where they were supposed to be.

"Finally!" Kaya sighed.

"We could have 'ported into Remy's dressing room," Tea teased with a grin.

"Tea!" Kaya scolded, then after a moment. "We could…."

"Where have you been?" Jean asked as they arrived on the set. "You're late."

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early…er, no, wait, still the wrong film," Kaya said. "Sorry, Tea took me on a quick film tour."

"Well, you did say that you wanted Forge to make you a special book of the Brother's Grimm. I just made it easier," Tea stated.

"Hmmm," Kaya said doubtfully.

"Ah, there ya are," Remy said as he waltzed onto the set. "Now what was that ya said about hoppin' dimensions yesterday?"

"Places Everybody!" Kaya called out nervously.

"PLACES!" Tea shouted through her bullhorn.

"And there I was, hoping you'd left that thing in Jurassic Park for the dinosaurs to chew on," Kaya said quietly.

"She didn't really mean it," Tea said to the bullhorn, gently cradling it.

"Riiight," Kaya said, before turning her attention to the play.

The camera switches to a shot of a forest road…

"I need to say lights camera action," Tea pointed out to Kaya.

"Fine, go on then," Kaya sighed, rolling her eyes.

"LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION!" Tea shouted happily through the bullhorn.

The camera switches again to a shot of a forest road, and off in the distance, we can see a train of carriages that have ground to a halt.

"Oh, no, there's nothing there!" the Professor called out from his wheelchair as Lance's gypsy thieves raided the wagons, paying no heed to the man's calls. "There's nothing there but pots and pans! I beg you, please leave us alone. Please! No, no, not that!" he pleaded as one of the gypsies removed a metal tube from the wagon.

"Out of the way, old man!" the gypsy said gruffly, shoving the Professor out of the way and running off with the tube.

From off in the distance, the sound of whistles and pounding hooves is heard, making the gypsies scatter all at once.

"Get on the horses!" Lance called out to his men, grabbing what he could and beginning to make his escape. "It's the Royal Guard! Run!"

Slightly ahead of the royal guard, Remy gallops onto the scene, but is stopped by the Professor.

"Lawr, Ah don't believe this!" he mumbled

"The painting! Please, for the love of God, the painting!" Charles pleaded, pointing in the direction that the gypsy ran off with the painting. "That man, he's getting away."

"Da Guards will assist ya. Ah cannot," Remy said as he tried to get away

"Please, sir! It is... my life," Charles explained.

Remy sighed and rolled his eyes, then silently agreed to help before pushing his horse on after the thief.

"Am Ah the only on who sees the irony in me chasin' down a thief?" Remy asked.

"Nope," Half of the cast replied.

Remy shrugged, then carried on riding, catching up with the thief. Once they were level, he tried to grab the tube, but the gypsy knocked him away. Finally, he jumped horses, and pulled the man to the ground.

"Give that to me! Give it to me!" Remy shouted as the gypsy stumbled to his feet and continued running. Remy ran after him, chasing him down one of the steep slopes that just happened to end in...a cliff. Just before they went over though, Remy grabbed the tube, before plummeting into the water. He emerged back on the surface, clutching the tube as the gypsy swam away.

The camera shot switched to a shot of Raven, Jean and Kitty standing in a marketplace. Jean was trying on several brooches to see if they went with her dress.

"No. Too small," Raven said sharply. "It needs to draw some attention."

"I fear, Baroness, anything larger might make her fall over," the seller said hesitantly.

"Perhaps you are right. I shall have to look elsewhere," Raven replied as she turned to go.

"I have just the thing!" the seller said desperately, so as not to loose the sale.

"Have you lost your marbles?" Kurt asked Rogue as he turned to face her from the window, where he had been watching the three down below. "Do you know what ze punishment is for servants who dress above their station?" he asked incredulously, then answered his own question when it became apparent that Rogue didn't care. "Five days in ze stocks!"

"Ya'll would do the same for me, admit it," Rogue said as she grabbed a pair of shoes.

"Me? Pretend to be a courtier?" Kurt asked. "Prancing round like some nobleman when I've never been to court. And neither have you!" he pointed out hesitantly.

"Then Ah won't be recognised," Rogue replied confidently. "Now, hand me that gown so Ah can be on my way."

"Zey'll never buy it," Kurt said doubtingly as he threw a gown over the top of the changing screen Rogue was behind, trying desperately to get this silly idea out of his friend's head. "You are too sweet."

"They'll never buy a servant with gold francs either," she retorted. "Ah am Maurice's only hope."

"Maurice!" came Tea's unheeded call from somewhere off set.

"And ze Baroness, vhat did you tell her?" Kurt asked

"Ah am picking wild flowers," Rogue replied. "Kurt, can ya still see her?"

"Zey're buying a brooch."

"Unbelievable! She ignores the manor, blames us for her debt and still pretends to have money to burn," she complained. "Don't ya dare laugh. Ah'm coming out," Rogue said before stepping out from behind the screen. "The shoes are too big."

"Nobody vill be looking at your feet," Kurt said assuringly.

Rogue looked down at her costume, which, for the benefit of other cast members and herself, included lovely satin gloves. "Yards of fabric and Ah still feel naked."

"If you're going to be a noblewoman," Kurt began, stepping over to her. "You must play the part. You look down to no-one."

"Ah am just a servant in a nice dress," Rogue said as she began to doubt her own plan.

Kurt gave her a reassuring smile, then took her by the hand. "Come. We have to do something with that hair."

A couple of minutes later, Remy arrived back at the wagon, soaking wet (much to the happiness of several X-girls and a certain director), but still carrying the tube, which he dutifully handed back to the Professor.

"Remy, you promised," Piotr scolded as he rode up to his friend.

"Ah know," Remy replied with a slight sigh. Then, with a grin, "I lied. I thought I'd see the world before I gave up my life to God and country."

"Why on earth did you stop?" Charles asked.

"Ah suppose Ah lack conviction," Remy replied. "You seem to have it in spades. Besides, you claimed it was a matter of life and death."

"A woman always is, Sire," Charles said as he opened the tube and took out a beautiful painting, the Mona Lisa.

"She laughs at me, sir," Remy said, noticing the paintings slight smile. "As if she knows something Ah do not."

"The Lady has many secrets," Xavier said as he looked at the painting. "I merely painted one of them."

"Signor da Vinci has been invited to the palace as the artist in residence," Piotr explained reverently. Even the thought of being in the presence of such a great artist was enough to make his head spin, even if it was only in a play.

"Leonardo da Charley?" Remy asked, smiling broadly at the change of name.

"Michelangelo was trapped under a ceiling in Rome," Xavier said, deciding to stick to his lines. "I'm just a second choice. I am on my way to Genoa and I find my salvation on the highway!"

"Sir, you are the founder of forward thinking and my father is the king of backward," Remy exclaimed "Could you talk him into the 16th century?"

"Captain Piotr, do translate," Charles said, pretending to be quite lost.

"Prince Remy suffers from an arranged marriage, signore," Piotr explained. "Among other things."

The scene switches to an exterior shot of the manor where the 'family' De Ghent live. Remy, Piotr and the Royal Guard were riding down the drive, the horse Remy stole in tow. Having seen the prince coming, Raven, Jean and Kitty run downstairs and towards the front door, with Raven flying out just as the prince arrives.

"Oh! Your Highness, what a lovely surprise," Raven greeted, curtseying awkwardly. "To what do we owe this great honour?"

"Ah'm returnin' your horse, Baroness," Remy said, handing back the reins of the stolen horse.

"Oh. Was it missing?" Raven asked, surprised.

"Yes," Remy admitted awkwardly. "Ah took the liberty of borrowing it earlier. Ah'm afraid Ah scared your servant...A young lady with quite a good arm, actually."

"She is mute, my lord," Raven said quickly.

"Really?" Remy asked, puzzled as the Baroness nodded. "She spoke quite forcefully…An' threw quite forcefully, too."

"GAMBIT!" Tea shouted through the bullhorn. "Stick to your lines!"

"Fine…" Remy muttered under his breath.

"Well, it comes and goes," Raven explained quickly. "But as always Your Highness is welcome to anything he wishes. Anything at all."

"Like, wait for me!" Kitty complained as she and Jean burst through the door, almost falling over in their hurry.

"Oh, ladies," Raven said disdainfully. "Here you are."

"Your Highness," Jean said, giving her best curtsey

"Your Highness, may I present Jean Francoise Louise Grey of the House of Ghent?" Raven said with a slight flourish. Then, as an afterthought, "And Katherine."

"You may indeed," Remy said, nodding to both of them. "Ladies, forgive me, but you seem to have blossomed overnight."

"We're so looking forward to celebrating the engagement to your own Brotherhood rose," Raven said, lying through her teeth, which Remy did not seem to pick up on.

"Yes, well, there have been several new developments with regards to Spain," Remy said awkwardly. "Ah must say, Jean, that brooch is...stunning."

"This old thing?" Jean asked slyly, looking down at her new brooch. "You're too kind."

"These developments, I trust are for the best?" Raven asked. By 'best' she of course mean that the engagement had been broken off so that he could marry Jean.

"Let us hope so," Remy said quietly. "Good day, ladies."

"Cut!" Tea shouted through the obligatory bullhorn, and before anything else could be said, she 'ported herself and Kaya out of there.

"Well, that was jus' weird," Remy said, shaking his head at their sudden departure.

"And when are they not weird?" Jean pointed out.


	6. Of Lies, Arguments and Other Dimensions

A/N

To marajade963, we're glad you're enjoying this parody so much. Believe us when we say we're having just as much fun writing this!

To PoisonRogue, well, we updated soon..ish, lol! Hopefully we'll be able to write the next chapter more quickly.

To Rogue238, thank you ever so much! Yours were the first parodies we ever read, and in truth, they were partly what inspired us to write ours! Keep up the work on Mutants of the Caribbean, we're loving that one, too, since it's one of our fav movies.

To Rogue181, we're glad you're enjoying it, too!

And to all of you, we honestly didn't intend for there to be a wet Remy until we realised it was in the script…although it did work out nicely, didn't it? _Tea gives an almost audible roll of eyes_

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The next morning, Tea and Kaya 'ported back onto the set, only a little later than usual.

"Ya didn't go on another film tour, did ya?" Remy asked teasingly as he strolled onto set, shuffling his pack of cards.

Tea glared at him for the unhelpful comment.

"No, it's not that," Kaya said as she plopped down into her chair. "I just wouldn't wake up. Or rather, I kept going back to sleep."

"Aw, sweet dreams, chere?"

"No," Kaya replied, giving glares of her own. "I'm ill, and my body keeps insisting that I fall asleep."

"LIGHTS! CAMERA! AND ACTION!" Tea shouted as it looked like Remy was going to start fawning over her sister, and Kaya wasn't in the mood to try and stop him.

"Make way for the lady!" a random actor shouted.

"Where did he come from?" Kaya asked absently.

"I find them on ebay all the time," Tea answered.

Kaya gave her a look of utter befuddlement. "What?"

"I hopped dimensions to a place where you can buy actors on ebay."

"Ah-ha, right. Just how many dimensions has ebay now taken over?"

"Quite a few. Most of them, in fact, and this one's well on it's way," Tea explained.

"Ah, I see. Well, that explains a lot," Kaya said, nodding. "Okay, back to the play."

"Come on, move it!" another random actor shouted.

Rogue ran across the courtyard, dressed in her lovely costume from the day before. Of course, she wasn't all that happy about it, but no one had said anything yet, which made her feel slightly better about it. As she came to the gates of the palace grounds, she slowed to a walk, and strolled in through the gates as though she might one day own the place.

"Lord, give me strength," Rogue muttered, both for the sake of the script, and because she now had to remember all her complex lines that no one was really sure they understood. With that, she saw the cart carrying Mau- err, Bobby, along with other poor souls bound for the Americas.

"Come on, come on!" Freddy roared, lashing the horse in an attempt to get it to move faster.

Rogue stepped up to the horses, taking the reins and making them stop, causing Freddy to glare at her rather severely.

"Ah wish to address the issue of this gentleman," she said, motioning to Bobby. "He is my servant and Ah am here to pay the debt against him."

"You're too late, he's paid for," Freddy growled.

"Ah can pay you ten gold francs," Rogue offered, holding up the purse containing the money.

"You can have me for ten gold francs," Freddy replied, lashing his horse again. "Drive on!"

"Ah demand you release him at once or Ah shall take this matter to the King," Rogue insisted as she stopped the horse again.

"The King is the one that sold him. He's now the property of Cartier," Freddy replied harshly.

"He is not property at all, ya ill-mannered tub of guts," Rogue said, glad to finally get some lines that she felt like saying. "Do ya honestly think it right to chain people like cattle? Ah demand ya release him at once!"

"Get out of my way!" Freddy roared as he lost his patience.

"You dare raise your voice to a lady, sir?" Remy asked from behind, startling Freddy.

Rogue lowered her eyes as she turned to meet him, feigning hope that the prince wouldn't recognise her from earlier. "Your Highness..."

"F-Forgive me, Sire," Freddy stammered. "I meant no disrespect. It's just er...I'm following orders. It's my job to take these thieves to the coast."

"A servant is not a thief, Your Highness," Rogue ventured. "And those who are cannot help themselves."

"Really?" Remy asked, intrigued. This bit of the script sure should be interesting for him to hear. "Well, then, by all means enlighten us."

"If ya suffer your people to be ill-educated and their manners corrupted from infancy," Rogue began uncertainly, "Then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them what else is to be concluded, Sire but that ya first make thieves and then punish them?"

"What did she just say?" Freddy asked from where he sat.

"She said that it's the crown's fault that there are thieves in the first place, so the people should not be punished for their circumstances," Kaya explained.

"Oh," Freddy said, seemingly content with the answer. "How can it be the fault of a crown?"

"Not a crown, you fool!" Tea shouted through the bullhorn. "The crown! It means the royal monarch."

"Tea, dear, don't shout, my head's fuzzy enough as it is," Kaya said, rubbing her head.

"You should try having enhanced hearin', Flouncy," Logan growled. "Are ya sure ya can't get that thing away from her?"

"No, I don't feel like starting an argument," Kaya replied absently, making Logan continue to mutter to himself.

"Well, there you have it," Remy said as he got back to the script. "Release him."

"But, Sire-" Freddy protested

"I said release him!" Remy said impatiently.

"Yes, Sire," Freddy said as he got down to go and open the door. Bobby smiled as he clambered out, glad to have been spared.

"I thought I was looking at your mother," a much-aged Iceman said in his best old-person's voice.

"I never dressed like that!" Mystique shouted from behind the set.

"Not you!" Bobby shouted back before the directors could interrupt again.

"Meet me at the bridge," Rogue told Bobby quietly, then, more loudly for the sake of keeping up the act, "Prepare the horses! We will leave at once!"

"Ah thank you, Your Highness," Rogue said to Remy after Bobby had gone.

"Have we met?" Remy asked.

"Ah do not believe so, Your Highness," Rogue lied quickly.

"Ah could have sworn Ah knew every courtier in the province," Remy said, puzzled.

"Well... Ah'm visiting a cousin," she lied again.

"Who?" Remy pressed.

"My cousin," Rogue answered awkwardly.

"Yes, you said that," Remy replied with a slight smile. "Which one?"

"The only one Ah have, Sire," Rogue replied, figuring the avoidance tactic was still the best.

"Are you coy on purpose or do you honestly refuse to tell me your name?"

"No!" she answered "And yes."

"Then, pray, tell me your cousin's name so Ah might call upon _her_ to learn who ya are," Remy insisted, not having to act much to be intrigued. "Anyone who can quote Thomas Moore is well worth the effort."

"The Prince has read _Utopia_?" Rogue asked hopefully.

"Ah found it sentimental and dull," Remy said flatly. "Ah confess, the plight of the everyday rustic bores me."

"Ah gather you do not converse with many peasants," Rogue said, rather disdainfully.

"Certainly not, no! Naturally," Remy said laughing.

"Excuse me, Sire, but there is nothing natural about it," Rogue said harshly. "A country's character is defined by its everyday rustics, as you call them. They are the legs you stand on. That position demands respect, not-"

"Am Ah to understand, chere, that ya find me arrogant?" Remy asked incredulously.

What Rogue really wanted to shout back at this point was 'Yes!', but she decided it would be better if she stuck to the script. "Well, you gave one man back his life, but did you even glance at the others?"

"Please, Ah beg of you a name. Any name," Remy said, quite astounded.

"Ah fear that the only name to leave you with is Comtesse Marie de Lancret," Rogue said quietly.

"There now," Remy said, glad to have an answer at last. "That wasn't so hard."

"Oh, Remy!" Ororo called from off screen, making Remy turn towards her. "You're back," she greeted, walking up to her 'son'. Remy smiled in return, then turned back around to look for the Lady he had just been speaking to. But to his surprise, she was no-where to be seen, as though she had simply vanished into thin air like a sprite or spirit.

"Hello, Mother," Remy said flatly, and with much less enthusiasm than Ororo seemed to have.

"The King would like a word with you. Several, in fact," Ororo announced, finding it rather amusing that Logan was a king and that Remy, of all people, was his son.

"He usually does," Remy replied humourlessly. "Ah shall be right in."

A few minutes later, Ororo and Logan were sat in one of the audience room sets, when Remy came in, clearly having wandered around at his leisure for a while before arriving, if only to annoy Logan.

"You, bub, are restricted to the grounds," Logan said gruffly as he saw his 'son' wander in.

"Am Ah under house arrest?" Remy asked casually, paying no heed to the dangerous tone in Logan's voice.

"Do not mock me, bub, for I am in a foul disposition," Logan growled in reply. "An' I will have my way."

"Or what?" Remy asked, slightly too cockily. "You'll send me to the Americas ike some criminal? All for the sake of your stupid contract."

"You are the Crown Prince of France," Logan reminded.

"And it is my life," he replied tersely.

"Logan, sit down before you have a stroke," Ororo interrupted, not actually wanting a full scale fight as Logan turned his glare towards her. "Really, the two of you! Sweetheart," Ororo said, addressing Remy. The thought of anyone calling Remy 'sweetheart' was enough to make Logan laugh though, and he was joined by Scott and Jean, too. "You were born to privilege, and with that comes specific obligations," Ororo said, a little louder as she tried to ignore the outbursts.

"Forgive me, Mother, but marriage to a stranger never made anyone in this room very happy," Remy said matter-of-factly.

"Marry Wanda by the next full moon, bub, or I will strike at you in any way I can," Logan said fiercely.

"What's it to be, Father? Hot oil or the rack?"

"I will simply deny you the crown..." Logan said, clearly trying to think of something better to say than what the lines dictated, but failing just as his character had. "And…live for ever!" Well, for all he knew, he might well live forever. The fact that he was older than Charles gave him the creeps on occasion.

"Good," Remy said, which was clearly not the response Logan had wanted. "Agreed. Ah don't want it."

With that, he turned on his heel and walked out of the room, with nothing more to say, leaving a rather annoyed looking Logan in his wake. Logan looked from Ororo to Remy's hastily retreating back and then to Ororo again, at a complete loss of what to do.

"He's your son!" Logan blurted out finally to Ororo, wishing he could get rid of the swamp rat that easily in real life. Ororo, for her part, rolled her eyes and then walked out too, leaving Logan alone on set.

"CUT!" Tea shouted through the bullhorn.

"Well done everyone!" Kaya called out as enthusiastically as she could with how tired she was feeling from being so ill. "Can we go home now?" she asked Tea.

"Oh no ya don't!" Remy said as he appeared behind the director's chairs, making Kaya jump out of her skin. "Now, what was that ya said a couple of days ago 'bout bein' from another dimension?"

_You told him?_ Kaya asked incredulously through her telepathy.

_No, you did, remember?_ Tea replied with her usual flat tone.

"Oh yeah…" Kaya said out loud to both of them, giving a kind of nervous giggle. "Yeah…" was all she could say.

"So, what dimension are ya from?" Remy asked, half-patiently.

"The one where everything's the same but a little bit different?" Kaya replied, trying the same avoidance tactics Danielle's character had tried a few minutes before, and adopting more or less the same voice, too.

"Nice try, chere," Remy said as he sat down in one of the random chairs, now paraphrasing his own lines. "Which one?"

"One that ebay hasn't taken over yet," Tea supplied.

"Wait, Flouncy and Slouchy here are from another dimension?" Logan asked, arriving with pretty much everyone else.

"Slouchy?" Tea asked.

"Yeah, you got yourself a nickname, too," Logan replied.

"God help me," Tea said, slapping her forehead with her palm. "I'm never gonna live this one down."

"Good at keeping things quiet, aren't ya, Logan?" Kaya said, more than a little annoyed and uncomfortable.

"Vait, you can 'port through dimensions, too?" Kurt asked Tea, who gave a proud nod. "Man, I need to do some catching up."

"Amazing," Charles said quietly, apparently happy to now that there are many more dimensions.

"Yeah, ain't it just?" Kaya asked nervously. "Can we go yet?"

"No," the entire cast and crew replied in unison.

"What dimension are you from?" Hank asked, just as intrigued as Charles.

"I don't know," Tea said. "What is it called?" she asked Kaya.

"We never gave it a name," Kaya replied. "It was just 'our dimension'. No one else seems to be able to get in or out of it, at least not that we know, so there was no need to name it."

"Well, what's different there?" Hank asked patiently.

"Umm, well, nearly all of the parodies there are about Scott and Jean, rather than Rogue and Remy," Kaya answered.

"That sounds like a good idea," Jean put in, with both Scott and Rogue nodding their agreement.

"It's scary," Tea said, and Remy nodded his agreement with her.

"Anythin' else different?" Remy asked.

"Lots of things," Kaya said, still trying with the avoidance tactics. When she saw that wasn't going to work, she tried to think of another example that wouldn't destroy the time-space-dimension-continuum-thing as they all knew it. "Like…Magneto's leading our version of Xavier's Institute," Kaya finally answered, then took Tea's hand as she finally 'ported them out.

"Man, their world is twisted," Evan said as everyone began to disperse from the set.

The only people who were left after a few minutes were Xavier and Magneto, who were still staring at each other in disbelief, both trying to figure out exactly what _could_ have happened to Tea and Kaya's messed up dimension.


	7. Of Drunken Mutants and Marriage Treaties

A/N: Welcome to our craziest chapter ever! Please know that Tea wasn't actually drunk during this…her asthma inhalers were just having a really odd effect on her…and she'd drunk an awful lot of Dr Pepper and coffee. Kaya wasn't drunk either.

But don't say we didn't warn you about the weirdness…

And thank you again to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter! It is so very much appreciated, and we're sorry it took so long for us to get this next bit up. RL has been getting in the way far too much!

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The next morning, Tea was the first to slouch in, only this time, she appeared to be unable to walk in a straight line. The reason for this soon became apparent when one saw that she held a bottle of rum in her hand. Logan saw her, and cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing until Kaya came on a few moments later. He glanced from Tea to Kaya, and then back again.

"Are you sure you should be letting your little sister at that?" he asked gruffly. "'Cause I'm sure she ain't 21."

"You try getting it away from her," Kaya sighed. "Every time I try to get it from her, she just teleports away from me. It actually was a bit haphazard in getting here today."

"Ooh, light-headed," Tea said, wobbling sideways a bit until she crashed into Kaya, who herself had to try hard not to fall over completely.

"Anyone know a good cure for drunk mutants?" Kaya asked.

"Black coffee," Remy suggested, grinning at the sight of it all.

"Better schooling," Charles said as he wheeled onto set.

Kaya sighed, helping Tea into her director's chair before taking another swipe at the rum.

"My rum!" Tea said, snatching it well out of Kaya's reach.

"Look, I haven't got any idea how you got to that rum, but you're not old enough to buy it in any dimension that I know of," Kaya scolded, trying to get Tea to listen to reason.

In reply, Tea simply gave a smile, and teleported the rum out of view. Kaya smiled, but it vanished a moment later as the bottle reappeared and emptied itself over her head.

"Thank you!" Kaya shouted, dripping wet with rum.

Tea burst out into laughter, almost falling out of her chair. "Sorry!" she said through her laughter, so that it wasn't entirely convincing.

"No you're not," Kaya sighed. "Look, I'm gonna go and get something else to wear from the wardrobe department. Could everyone else just get ready while I'm gone? You just sit there," she added, turning back to Tea, then walked off. "Oh, and Logan," she called back a moment later. "Could you keep an eye on Tea for me?"

"Why me?"

"'Cause you're the tough guy. Just make sure she doesn't teleport you anywhere."

A couple of minutes later, Kaya arrived back on set, dressed in one of the movie's gowns and blow-drying her hair as she walked.

"Okay, are we ready to get going?" she asked as she fetched Tea some black coffee. "I'll take the resounding and enthusiastic silence as a yes, then."

"Is there any rum in this?" Tea asked hopefully as she got the coffee handed to her.

Kaya rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, there isn't."

"Meanie," Tea said , staring at her cup. "I must be drunk; I don't have my bullhorn on me."

"Thank God for that," Kaya said as she sat down in her chair and put down the blow-dryer. "Places everyone!"

"Heh, that can soon be solved," Tea said, holding out her hand as she teleported her bullhorn to herself. "Lights! Camera! Action! Drink up me hearties yo ho!" she shouted through the bullhorn, taking everyone by complete surprise.

"Just carry on and ignore the drunken mutant," Kaya advised.

"Somebody's in trouble," Jean said in a sing-song voice as Rogue walked on set in the manor house.

"What do ya mean?" Rogue asked cautiously, already afraid that they'd found out about her posing as a courtier.

"You stupid, stupid girl!" Raven shouted as she came into the room, pushing Rogue into a chair. "How dare you do this to me? To Jean? It all makes me sick! It's deceitfulness and I will not have it in this house!" she carried on fiercely, completely in her element of yelling at people.

"What did Ah do?" Rogue asked timidly.

"Think, Anna. Think really hard," Jean said spitefully, while Kitty made motions of a horse running with her hands.

"Prince Remy stole our horse this morning?" Rogue asked, truly hoping that was all it was.

"Yes!" Raven spat. "And that would explain why he returned it this afternoon. How dare you let him surprise us like that!"

"Ah'm sorry," Rogue said quietly.

"Luckily for you, Jean turned in a beautiful performance," Raven said, looking over at her smiling 'daughter'. Rogue however wasn't sure on why this should be lucky for her at all. "She and the Prince had quite an interlude."

"Yes, I shouldn't be surprised if he drops by again," Jean said in that same happily annoying voice.

"Come, come!" Raven said, snapping her attention back to Rogue. "I must know exactly what was said. The simplest phrase can have a thousand meanings. He said you were forceful. What did you say?"

"I called him a thief, madam. I did not recognise him!" Rogue said by way of explanation

Raven laughed cruelly, hardly able to believe it. "Oh, Anna," she said in mock sympathy. "You poor, little country girl. Well, we must work extra hard to make sure the manor is spotless. We cannot have a royal bottom sitting on a dirty chaise, can we? No." she asked in a patronising voice as Rogue nodded and shook her head obligingly.

There was a shuffling in the doorway then, and Raven looked up to see Amara and Tabitha standing there with the newly returned Bobby.

"Maurice!" came the slurred shout from Tea's chair, as it rocked dangerously back and forth, before Kaya waved her hand and it was still.

"You'll fall out of your chair if you keep doing that," she said, speaking in the tone that one might address a five year old with, before turning her attention back to the play.

"What is he doing here?" Jean asked haughtily as she looked at Bobby.

"I have worked off your..._My_ debt, madame," Bobby replied, quickly correcting himself. "They told me I could go home."

"Fine," Raven said, as though his return was nothing. "Go... catch a chicken," she suggested, waving him and the others away.

"Scene change!" Kaya called out, as all those not needed for the next scene headed back towards the changing rooms to get out of their costumes. Kaya sat in her chair, happily changing the set pieces with her telekinesis, barely having to move.

"Let's sing the doom song now!" Tea called out in her best Gir impression.

"Okay, that's it," Kaya said, finishing with the set changes. "No more rum and Invader Zim for you."

"I was the turkey all along!" Tea cried out, again quoting her favourite cartoon as she raised her mug of coffee like a bottle of rum.

"Yeah, okay," Kaya said. "Okay, everybody ready?" she asked the newly assembled cast of three for the next scene.

"Yeah, but I think Slouchy needs some tranquillisers or somethin'," Logan said.

"Just ignore her," Kaya said. "Okay, on with the play!"

"Who, dear?" Ororo asked as she and Remy walked through the gardens in the night.

"Comtesse Marie de Lancret," Remy said, explaining to Ororo how he had met her earlier that day. "She's a cousin of...Actually, I don't know who her cousin is. Surely you have heard of her?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh, darling, there are simply too many courtiers to remember them all by name," Ororo said with a slight wave of her hand. After being a Goddess in Africa, playing the part of the Queen was actually quite natural and easy for her. "Why do you ask?"

"Mm?" Remy said absent mindedly. "Oh, never mind," he said as he saw Logan striding towards them.

"In honour of Signor da Charley, I have decided to throw a ball," Logan announced as he stopped in front of his wife and son. "A masked ball. At which point, you and I will strike a compromise."

"Compromise? You?" Remy asked, surprised.

"If love is what you seek, I suggest you find it before then, bub," Logan said gruffly. "Five days hence…Hence? What's this hence stuff, Flouncy? I can't go on speakin' like this."

"It's just how they all spoke, Logan," Kaya explained. "Actually, it's not how they would have spoken at all. They would have been speaking French, for a start, and it would have been Old French, at that, not just modern French with some eloquent words flung in, but there. If they actually spoke in the movie as they should have done, not even the French would have understood them very well…But we can try it in French if you like?" she offered.

"No, thanks, Flouncy," Logan sighed, then got back to his lines. "Cinq jours par conséquent, à la course du minuit…what the? Am I speaking French now?"

"Haha! Logan's speaking Japanese!" Tea shouted out inanely, making the entire cast look at her and wonder if she weren't merely drunk, but also totally insane!

"Charley!" Logan growled, expecting it to be Xavier playing a trick on him. But Charles simply shrugged, and looked over to Kaya.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, that was my fault," Kaya said apologetically, while not quite convincing Logan that she hadn't done it on purpose.

"Five days hence," Logan said, a little testily, "at the stroke of midnight you will announce your engagement to the girl of your choice... or... I will announce it for you. Are we agreed?"

"What of your treaty?" Remy asked, still surprised by this sudden concession.

"Let me worry about Spain," Logan replied, wondering if he could take on the whole Spanish army at once and survive. "You've got bigger problems."

"Choose wisely, Henry," Ororo said gently, before turning to face Logan. "Divorce is only something they do in England."

"Cut!" Tea yelled, a little enthusiastically as her chair tipped over backwards and she landed flat on her back.

"Is she out?" Remy asked as he stepped nearer.

"I think so," Kaya said tiredly.

"Aren't ya gonna do anythin' about it?"

"Could do," Kaya said as she looked around. In the corner, she saw a bucket of cold water, stood there in case of Pyro-induced emergencies. She smiled, picked up the bucket with her telekinesis, and brought it over before tipping the water all over Tea.

"Curse ya for breathin' ya slack-jawed idiot!" Tea spluttered as she woke up, unintentionally quoting Gibbs of Pirates of the Caribbean fame.

Kaya rolled her eyes, then tipped another bucket of water of Tea's head.

"Blast it, I'm already awake!" Tea yelled.

"That was to sober you up!" Kaya said. "We need to get home, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Tea said, then passed out again. Luckily, her head landed on Kaya's feet at the instant she began to teleport, so Kaya went back with her.

Kaya sighed as they landed somewhere near their home, but as she turned around, she screamed.

"Remy?" she asked, having taken a moment to recover from the surprise.

"Ya didn't have to scream at me, chere," Remy said, rubbing his ears.

"How did you get here?" Kaya asked, still half panicked.

"Mah hand was on your shoulder as she teleported, Ah guess," Remy said, looking around.

"We have to get you back," Kaya said, taking both Tea's and Remy's hands. "Tea!" she shouted to her sister. "Teleport us back!"

Kaya waited for a moment, and then Tea teleported them…to about five feet behind where they had been standing.

"Not that sort of back!" Kaya groaned as Tea gave a little snore. "Back to the other dimension."

"Hey, mebbe we should wait until she sobers up a bit?" Remy suggested. "Ah don't feel like takin' mah chances with a drunk inter-dimensional teleporter."

"But you can't stay here!" Kaya said.

"Why not?"

"Because you belong back in your own dimension!"

"So? You belong in this one, but ya'll are always hoppin' over to ours," Remy pointed out.

"True, but it's not the same," Kaya said, exasperated.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because…it's just different, okay?"

"I don't want the panda hat…I want the tiger," Tea mumbled in her sleep.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Remy asked as Kaya began to giggle uncontrollably.

"We were sitting at my computer once, co-authoring a parody story, and while I was furiously typing away, Tea grabbed the lid of a paper bin that was shaped like the head of a tiger, and she put it on her head. I didn't notice for a long, long time, and when I glanced at her…I saw her wearing this ridiculous 'hat', and she just smiled and waved, as though everything was perfectly normal in the world," Kaya explained between giggle fits. "It took me about five minutes to recover from the randomness of it all."

"Ah see…" Remy said uncertainly. "An' the panda?"

"Oh, we have another paper bin in the house and it's lid is shaped like a panda head," Kaya explained.

"Suddenly Ah understand why Ah'm not supposed to be in this dimension…"

"And I thought you wanted to see it?" Kaya asked teasingly.

"Ah did…Ah just didn't know it was entirely inhabited by crazy people."

"Don't worry," Kaya said with a wave of her hand. "She's the craziest one here."

"Suddenly Ah feel so much better…" Remy said as he helped Kaya pick up Tea.


	8. Of Quarrels, Masques and Angels

Author's note:

We'll, you'll have to excuse us for the complete insanity at the end of the last chapter. Thank you for all your lovely reviews – we never get tired of receiving them, and they make the entire process much quicker!

So without further ado, here is the next chapter, and a lovely long one at that…now please excuse us while we go hide from Rogue!

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The next morning, Kaya, the no-longer-inebriated Tea, and Remy 'ported back onto the set. Remy, looking not too great from all the 'porting, flumped straight down into one of the director's chairs.

"You're the one taking the blame for this," Kaya said, as she looked around nervously.

"I am not," Tea retorted. "I was drunk."

"Oh, and that's such a great defence!" Kaya shot back.

"Do ya always feel this bad after teleportin'?" Remy asked, rubbing her forehead.

"Nah, it's worn off on me," Kaya said. "Ever since that day Tea got sick a couple of months after her powers manifested, it's not really gotten to me. Of course that could be because she took me on a tour of the twenty dimensions no one ever knew existed until then!" she added, getting ever so slightly mad at the memory.

"Well, at least it was educational," Tea said, shrugging it off.

"Back to moi," Remy said, lifting his head at last, hoping to at least find out some remedy to stop the literal travel sickness he was feeling.

"Well, you were the one who hitched along for the ride," Kaya pointed out.

"Try black coffee for the sickness," Tea said, giving a wave of her hand. Remy nodded, and got up carefully before going over to the coffee machine.

"Don't suppose we could get him to take the blame?" Kaya asked.

"We could just blame him anyway," Tea said.

"Yeah, I suppose. It was his own fault for grabbing on at the last minute."

"Ah can still hear ya, chere," Remy called over.

Just then, Rogue came storming onto the soundstage, heading straight for the two sisters, a murderous glint in her eyes. Kaya wondered for a moment if the other girl would notice a telekinetic shield being put up, but then decided against it. It would only make her even more angry.

"All right, Ah hope the damn swap rat is with ya, 'cause Ah'm gonna kill him!" Rogue yelled.

"Or you know, Rogue could just blame him for us," Tea said.

"Yep, that works too," Kaya said as Tea helpfully pointed to the Cajun, who looked then rather like he'd been caught in the headlights of a large truck.

"Remy LeBeau!" Rogue shouted as she marched over to him.

"So that's his full name," Tea said in something akin to wonderment as Kaya slapped her own forehead.

"Oui, Chere?" Remy asked nervously, calculating the chances of him being able to charm his way out of this.

"Don't call me chere!" she snapped. "Where did ya go?"

"Uh…to another dimension?" he offered.

"Well maybe ya shoulda stayed there," she huffed, tempted to just have at it and slap him.

"I don't think he really meant to go back with us, Rogue," Kaya said cautiously. After all, at this point in time, speaking in Remy's defence was a dangerous thing to do.

"Stay outta this!" Rogue warned, and Kaya held up her hands in defence.

"Staying out now," she said quietly. By now, some of the other cast members had come onto the soundstage. While some were pointedly ignoring the argument, others had gathered specifically to watch.

"Chere, Ah was jus' curious about their dimension," Remy said.

"Right, so you get there, an' ya saw it. Why didn't you come back?" she asked.

"Ya'll really want me to risk an extra dimension hoppin' trip with a drunk mutant?" Remy asked pointedly.

"Just how drunk was I?" Tea asked Kaya quietly.

"Very," Kaya replied. "You started mumbling about the tiger hat."

At this, Tea burst out in hysteric laughter, rolling around in her chair. She wasn't even trying to stop laughing or keep it down for the sake of the argument raging around her, until she saw Logan staring at her in surprise.

"What?" Tea asked, wiping away the tears of laughter. "Ain't a girl allowed to laugh?"

"Just never seen you do it before," Logan replied with a shrug. "Except for when you were drunk."

"It happens," Tea replied, giving a shrug of her own.

Meanwhile Rogue and Remy's argument had descended into a full-blown verbal war, with various insults, in English, Cajun and Creole being thrown into the mix.

"Guys?" Kaya asked, wanting to just get on with the play before the entire building came crashing down. "GUYS?" she yelled, then slumped back into her chair, having given up.

"Can't you do something about this?" Magneto asked Charles as they watched their protégés arguments escalate.

"I'm a world-powerful telepath, not a miracle worker or an agony aunt," Charles replied.

"Allow me," Ororo said as she breezed past them both. She turned her face to the sky, her eyes turning white as she called upon her powers. "Enough!" she shouted as a bolt of lightening struck the ground between the quarrelling couple, her voice rolling around the room like thunder.

Finally, both Rogue and Remy stopped, both too stunned to do anything but stare.

"Thank you, Ororo," Charles sighed.

"Just call me a Goddess," Ororo replied good-naturedly.

"Finally!" Kaya sighed. "Can we get back to the play now?"

"Fine," Rogue practically growled. "But Ah hope ya'll don't have any fluff scenes with me an' him in them today."

"Actually…" Kaya ventured, but with the glare that she received, she elected to stay quiet.

About five minutes later, the cast were finally all assembled and dressed in their costumes.

"Pyro!" Kaya shouted as she saw him playing with his lighter dangerously near the set. "What did I tell you about that lighter?" she asked, speaking to him as one might address a five year old.

"We'll steal your lighter," Tea said in a teasing singsong voice.

"Aww, ya wouldn't do that to me, would ya, Shiela?" John asked, doing a really rather sweet pouty face.

Tea tried to scowl at him, but it ended up as being more of a sweet smile. "Nah," she said at last.

"Oh God, no," Kaya muttered as she stared at the two of them. "Places!" she shouted out before Tea agreed to let John burn the entire set down in a fit of crushy stupidness.

Tea 'ported her bullhorn in from somewhere, and announced through it, "Lights! Camera! Action!"

The scene opens on Mystique and Toad standing by the front door to the De Ghent mansion, the two of them obviously in deep and secret conversation.

"What news of the engagement?" Raven asked Toad.

"Cancelled, yo," Toad replied. "Rumour has it he must find himself a bride before that very night."

"Well, that doesn't give us very much time," Raven said thoughtfully, then brought out her purse. "I shall need to know who the competition is, every move he makes, his agenda, and any other titbits you might pick up," she said, placing a coin in his hand for each piece of information he might bring.

Toad looked around, then leant in the speak to Raven, his voice lowered. "He's playing tennis with the Marquis de Limoges tomorrow at noon."

Raven smiled quite scarily at him, making Toad wish he could just run away. "A skin of such elegance...concealing such... ruthlessness. I've grown rather fond of our intrigues together. Surely you must know that."

Toad swallowed, deciding that he much preferred Mystique when she was just out and out mean, rather than pretending to be so nice.

"I'm having an inkling, yo," he said, backing away a little.

"When my daughter is Queen perhaps we might come to a new arrangement?" Mystique offered.

"You mean I won't have to be the underdog in the Brotherhood no more?" Toad asked hopefully.

"Toad! The script!" Kaya yelled pointedly.

"Sorry, yo," Toad muttered, then bowed slightly to Mystique and left as the scene ended.

The camera shot cut to a scene out in the gardens of the manor. Rogue and Tabby were out there collecting honey, dressed in clothes that would protect them from the bee's stings.

" I'd have given anything to see you all dressed up like a courtier, speaking to the Prince like a lady," Tabby said wistfully as she went about collecting the honey.

"Scolding him is more like it," Rogue said, turning just long enough to glare at Remy again. "Ah can't believe Ah gave him my mother's name. The man is insufferable."

"Yes. You've been saying that…all day," Tabitha said pointedly.

"Well, it's as true now as it was this mornin'," Rogue said as Tabitha cut out a bit of honey from the hive and placed it onto the plate Rogue was holding out for her.

"Darling, he's a thief," Tabby said, scowling over at Remy. Apparently, she had joined Rogue's side of the fight. "They're born like that."

"Then Ah suppose the penalty for being wealthy is havin' to live with the rich," Rogue said, deciding for now to stick to her lines.

"I'll bet he's quite charmin', once you get to know him."

"Ah think he an' Jean deserve each other," Rogue said, taking delight in the looks this got from Remy, Jean and Scott.

"Oh! Bite your tongue!" Tabby scolded as they began making their way back towards the house. "The only throne I want her sitting on is the one I have to clean every day!"

"And cut!" Kaya shouted.

"Thank god," Rogue sighed. "Is that all for today?"

"No, we just have film one of the scenes inside, and then it's off to change location to the lake," Kaya said lightly. "Where we get to shoot a you and Remy fluff scene. You know, the kind you like so much."

"Ah swear, Ah'm gonna end up killing someone!" Rogue nearly shouted.

"Nah, ya love him really," Kaya replied, before getting up to go to the inside set.

Amazingly, everything went smoothly while they were switching sets, and they were soon settled in to shoot the next scene.

"What's wrong with this one?" Raven asked, holding up yet another dress for Jean to look at.

"It's blue," Jean said as if that explained it all.

"Henry loves blue!" Raven said in a consoling voice.

"And all the other girls will be wearing the same colour," Jean replied.

"Very good, Jean," Raven said, smiling approvingly.

Just then, Kitty arrived in the doorway, wearing a lovely dress that was made to look just a little too tight.

"This one is too small," Kitty complained, pulling at the dress.

"We shall just have to get you a tighter cinch," Raven said sharply.

"I cannot breathe as it is," Kitty said quietly.

"If one cannot breathe, one cannot eat," Raven said nastily.

Piotr was standing just outside the set, his fists clenched as Raven continued to insult his dear Katya. Remy glanced at him nervously, wondering if he was going to have to restrain his Russian friend soon.

"Mother, focus, please!" Jean yelled, meaning 'please focus on me!'. Either she really was this bratty, or she'd just been cast in far too many of these roles.

"Perhaps if I knew what you were looking for!" Raven said, slightly testily.

"Something fit for a queen!" Jean replied as she flopped back onto the bed.

Raven looked around for a moment, before having an idea. She smiled, which quickly turned into an altogether evil look, making just about everyone on set worry about her.

"Come, ladies. I have just the thing," Raven said gleefully, clapping her hands together before leading her daughters out of the room. "But we must speak of this to no-one," she cautioned as she turned back for a moment.

"Oh, I do love a good intrigue!" Jean said happily as she climbed over the bed to follow her mother.

They went down into one of the lower rooms, where Raven looked around cautiously before opening up a large chest at the foot of the bed. She untied the parcel that was resting on the very top, and unfolded the material.

"Waste not...want not," she said evilly as she pulled out a most beautiful dress. It was a palest blue colour, beautifully cut, with little white gemstones sewn in all around it.

"Oh, perfect!" Jean cried out as she went over to take the dress from Raven.

"Oh, look at these shoes," Kitty sighed as she pulled an equally beautiful pair of shoes out from the chest. "Where did you get these?"

"They're Anna's dowry, for her wedding," Raven announced smugly.

"Cinderanna? Married?" Jean asked sceptically. "To who, the chimney sweep?"

"Nah, to moi," Remy said happily from the sidelines.

"In ya dreams, Cajun!" Rogue yelled from where she was waiting in the wings. "An' mine," she admitted softly to herself.

"If that dress is hers, perhaps she'll want to wear it to the ball," Kitty suggested.

"Since when does a royal function include commoners?" Jean asked meanly.

"Well, never," Kitty admitted, then paused before speaking again. "But she is our stepsister... and the invitation did say, 'To the ladies of the house'."

"She's not of noble blood!" Jean protested.

"And who would notice?" Kitty asked.

"Honestly, Katherine, whose side are you on?" Raven asked snidely.

It was at that moment that Rogue walked into the room, and saw them, with Jean holding her dress up against herself to see how it fit.

"What are ya doin'?" Rogue asked suspiciously.

"Airing out your dress... for the masque," Raven said quickly.

"Her dress?" Kitty asked, confused. "But you just said..."

"I suppose for a commoner, it'll have to do," Jean said with spite. "I mean, look at it; it's practically an antique."

"You wish me...to go to a masque?" Rogue asked, pretending to be touched by the thought.

"Of course," Raven said, giving her daughter her best fake smile.

"I don't know what to say," Rogue stammered.

"Say? Honestly, Anna. It hurts me you don't feel like one of my daughters."

"Maybe that's cause ya lied to me an' betrayed me, an-"

"Rogue!" Tea shouted, reminding her to get on with the script.

"Fine…" Rogue muttered, rolled her eyes, and then carried on. "Ah only meant..."

"I thought we could all go, as one big happy family," Raven said, pretending to like the idea. "That is, if you complete your chores in time, and mind your manners till then."

Kitty gave Raven a look of utter disgust for her deception. It was beyond her how cruel she could be to her own daughter. Well, all right, so this was only a play, but it wasn't like she'd never done anything like this in real life. She looked to Jean, as though she might get some help, but Jean only looked at her with that same self-satisfied smile that she seemed to have perfected for playing this character. After a moment, she gave up and sighed, throwing the shoes back down before storming out.

"What's the matter with her?" Rogue asked as she watched Kitty go.

"Oh... She doesn't want you to go," Jean said snidely.

"And cut!" Kaya shouted. "I'd say this is going quite well today, don't you think Tea?" When she received no reply, Kaya looked to her sister's chair and found it empty. Looking around with a slightly panicked look on her face, Kaya finally found her sister, standing over by one of the other sets with, of all people, Pyro.

Kaya sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. How did a Goth get a crush on a pyromaniac?

"Tea!" she yelled to get her sister's attention.

"Yes?" Tea replied, 'porting into her own director's chair.

"Were you flirting with John?" Kaya asked, trying not to laugh.

"Uh…why would you think that?"

"Because you were flirting with him," Kaya replied bluntly. "I don't know. For all the times you've ranted when I see some cute guy, you're just as bad!"

"I don't go after every guy," Tea said.

"Neither do I," Kaya replied.

"Nearly every guy then," Tea conceded.

"Okay, so nearly every guy, but still," Kaya said, agreeing. "Can you just help us get the cameras and props over to the lake? We need to film a fluff scene," she said, raising her voice a little, just so Rogue could hear.

"Don't remind me!" came the voice of the annoyed southern Goth.

"Why can't you just do it all telekinetically, anyways?"

"Because I don't want to collapse and die from exhaustion," Kaya replied.

"Okay, but John's helping, too."

"Say what, Sheila?" John asked as he trotted up beside Tea.

"Fine," Kaya sighed. "Just don't let him burn any of the props."

About an hour or so later, the entire cast and crew had made it down to the lake. John hadn't been able to resist burning a couple of things on the way down, even though Kaya gave him a severe reprimanding for it.

"Okay, ready everyone?" Kaya asked, then, before she could get a reply, "Good. Lights, camera, action!"

The opening shot of this scene was of Rogue, out in a wood, looking for truffles with the aid of a pig. Forge hadn't told anyone, but the pig was actually Fred with an image inducer tied to his trotter. Which would explain why the pig was feeling so vocal about his current predicament. Unfortunately, no one understood him, and neither did they understand why Forge was rolling around, laughing so uncontrollably.

After a while Rogue got fed up of trying to find the truffles, and decided to let the pig go and head down to the lake. Once there, she sighed happily to herself, slipping into the water.

Across the lake though, Prince Remy and Leonardo Da Charley, were on the other shore, apparently trying out all manner of crazy inventions while Remy tried to make sense of his life. Charles had long ago given up listening to his ramblings, but he wasn't letting this show as he pottered around with his inventions.

"Do ya'll really tink dere is only one perfect chere?" Remy asked, skipping stones over the water, charging the occasional one with his power so that it resembled a water firework as it went off.

"As a matter of fact, I do," Charles replied.

"How can ya'll be certain ta find them?" Remy asked, this matter clearly puzzling him. "An' if ya'll find them, are dey really the one for ya, or do ya only tink dey are?" he paused then to look at Charles before skipping another flat stone. "What if the person ya'll are meant ta be wit never appears? Or she does, but...but ya'll are too distracted to notice?"

"You learn to pay attention," Charles said simply.

"Then, let's say God puts two people on earth, and dey are lucky enough to find one another," Remy began again. "But... one of dem gets hit by lightning. Well, den what? Is dat it? Or perchance ya meet someone new an' marry again. Is dat the lady ya should be with? Or was it the first? When the two of dem are side by side, were dey both the one for ya, and ya'll just met the first one first? Or is the second one supposed ta be first? An' is everythin' just chance...or are some things meant ta be?"

"You cannot leave everything to fate, boy," Charles replied. "She's got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand."

"What's this project?" Remy asked as Charles brought out what looked like two small elongated boats and a propellor.

"Would you care to see if they work?" Charles asked, smiling.

The camera cuts to a scene of Charles…merrily wheeling his chair across the lake! Strapped to both wheels of the wooden chair are the elongated wooden boat models, allowing it to float of the water. And at the back of the chair, a propeller is stuck in the water, and by means of a hand-turned crank, the propeller is powering the entire contraption across the water.

In the middle of the lake, Rogue swam happily on her back. It was like paradise out here. No bossy mothers ordering her around, no stupid Cajuns hitting on her constantly. Best of all, from here she couldn't even hear the directors. Not even when Tea re-found her bullhorn. Absolute bliss.

"It looks like rain," Charles said nonchalantly as he floated past in his contraption. Genuinely surprised, Rogue looked up, saw him, and screamed loudly. Charles was also taken aback slightly, and he would have toppled into the water were it not for Kaya holding the whole thing upright with her telekinesis.

Once they reached the opposite shore, Remy came stumbling into the water to help them out.

"Signor Da Charley!" he called out as he towed the wheelchair to the shore. "Are ya all right?"

"I should leave walking on water to the Son of God," Charles replied, sighing with relief as he reached the shore. "Fortunately, I tripped over an angel."

"Comtesse!" Remy cried in surprise as he finally recognised the woman that had swum to shore with Charles.

"Your Highness!" Rogue called out in reply, not having expected to see him here. "Oh!" she cried as she slipped back into the water, while Remy gently caught her by the arm. "Oh, careful, it's very slippery right there," she explained, embarrassed.

"Here, please. Allow moi," Remy said as he helped her out of the waters.

"Thank you," Rogue said as he wrapped his cloak around her shoulders.

"Where are your attendants?" Remy asked, looking around and yet seeing no one.

"Ah decided to give them the day off," Rogue said quickly, while trying to appear convincing.

Remy laughed at the very idea of it. "Day off?" he asked incredulously. "From what? Life?"

"Don't ya tire of people waitin' on you all the time?" Rogue asked.

"Yes," Remy replied uncertainly. "But... they're servants. It's what they do."

"Ah wish Ah could dismiss mine as easily as ya'll do yours," Rogue said quietly. "Ah must be going."

"You're angry with me," Remy said as he began to follow her.

"No," she said quickly.

"Admit it."

"Well, yes, if ya must know."

"Why?" he challenged, making her stop and turn to look at him.

"Because ya are tryin' to bait me with your snobbery," she replied.

"Ah'm afraid, mademoiselle, _you_ are a walking contradiction...and Ah find that rather fascinatin'," he said, smiling at her.

"Me?"

"Yes, you," Remy replied. "Ya spout the ideals of a Utopian society, yet ya live the life of a courtier."

"And ya own all the land there is, yet ya take no pride in workin' it," Rogue returned. "Is that not also a contradiction?"

"First Ah'm arrogant, and now Ah have no pride," Remy said, giving one of those confident smiles that drove her crazy. "However do Ah manage that?"

"Ya have everythin' and still the world holds no joy. Yet ya make fun of those who would see it for its possibilities," Rogue replied softly.

"How do ya do it?" Remy asked, frowning.

"What?" she asked.

"Live each day with this kind of passion? Don't ya find it exhausting?"

"Only when Ah'm around you," she confessed. "Why do you like to irritate me so?"

"Why do you rise to the occasion?" he returned, giving another one of those smiles.

"Like, Anna!" Kitty called from some way off.

Rogue looked around in alarm, and realised she had to leave before she was found out. "Forgive me, Your Highness, Ah've lost track of the hour," she said, handing Remy back his cape before beginning to head for home.

"But the wind...It's perfect!" Charles protested, holding up an old fashioned kite.

"Ah am sorry," Rogue apologised as she rushed past him.

"Ah'm playin' tennis tomorrow," Remy called out, making Rogue stop and turn to face him for a moment. "Will you come?"

Rogue stopped and seemed to consider it for a moment, but then she turned around and carried on, calling back, "Ah must go."

Remy watched her go, half intrigued and half utter confused. "Why does she keep doing that?"

"And cut!" Kaya yelled out. "Finally," she sighed, somewhat quieter.

"Yeah, now we can go home," Tea said. "Without Remy."

"Amen to that!" Kaya said, just as Rogue walked up to them. "Hang on."

"Look, Ah know ya'll didn't mean for Remy to go back with ya last time," she began. "But if ya ever try to steal that swamp rat, Ah'll-"

"Agreed," Kaya said quickly. "I might like him, but I don't want to steal him away from you."

"Really?" Rogue asked.

"Nah, you guys are just such a cute couple," Kaya replied with a smile before Tea 'ported them both out.


	9. Of Markets and Fights

A/N Sorry this took so long - it's been a hectic couple of weeks! But here it is, in all it's Romy glory! Enjoy!

The next morning, Kaya and Tea 'ported back onto the set, looking forward to nice a peaceful shoot. However they quickly realised this wasn't going to be possible when Rogue stormed up to them.

"Ah've got a bone ta pick with ya!" Rogue said, scowling angrily.

"I think she means you," Tea said hopefully.

"Damn right Ah do," Rogue said, glaring at Kaya.

"What did I do now?" Kaya asked innocently. "Remy didn't follow us home again, and we went through that last time, anyway."

"That's what Ah wanted to talk to ya about," Rogue said, tapping her foot impatiently. "Remy an' me do not make a 'cute couple'!"

"Sure we do, chere," Remy said as he meandered onto the set.

"We're not even a couple! An' even if we were, we'd be anythin' but cute. Kitty and Piotr, they're cute," at this, Kitty and Piotr gazed lovingly at one another then nodded happily. "Tea an' Pyro are just about cute," Rogue continued and at this, Tea nodded proudly. "Heck, Ah'll even go so far as to say Jean and Scott….no, wait…let's not go there…But the point is, me an' Remy, we're not cute."

"Okay, let's take it to a vote," Kaya said, looking out over the assembled cast. "Raise your hand if you think Rogue and Remy are cute together!" Everyone except Logan and Magneto raised their hands. John was already holding up one of his, but Tea raised the other one for him as well. Even Remy voted for himself. Jean and Scott were sniggering.

"Not all of ya!" Rogue said helplessly. She sighed, then threw her hands up in the air before retreating to her dressing room, muttering and cursing under her breath all the way.

Finally, the entire cast were dressed and ready for shooting to begin.

"My turn," Tea said happily, 'porting her bullhorn out from nowhere. "Lights, camera…ACTION!"

"Tabitha," Raven called out in her high-pitched summoning voice. Tabitha looked up from setting the table, knowing that the only reason Raven would be speaking with her was if she wanted to complain. "Where are the candlesticks?" Raven asked in her haughtiest voice. "We can hardly see our plates."

"They're missing, my lady," Tabby replied through gritted teeth, still hating to call 'Mystic' her 'Lady'. "I've searched high and low."

"The painting in the hall is gone too," Amara said quietly.

"It seems we have a thief in our midst," Raven said, using that same maddeningly haughty voice. "So this is how I'm treated," she complained, pretending to be hurt. "After all our years together. My husband's prize possessions! Well, I shall just garnish your wages until the pilfered items are returned. Is that quite understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," Tabby and Amara said in unison as they gave little curtseys before they left.

"Perhaps I shall ship you to the Americas with all the other thieves," Raven called as they left.

"Oh. Didn't you like, so totally hear?" Kitty asked, then paused for a moment before continuing. "The Prince asked the King to release all those men."

"He didn't!" Rogue exclaimed, moving a little from where she had silently stood. Jean and Raven both glared at Kitty for speaking with Rogue at the dinner table.

"Mmm," Kitty said quietly, getting around the issue of not addressing servants as friends by speaking to no one in particular. "Now, like, by royal decree, any man who sails must be totally compensated."

"Compensated!" Raven snorted indignantly. "Honestly! What is the world coming to?"

"I want to know who this Comtesse is everyone keeps talking about," Jean said, changing the subject back to her problems. "Ten courtiers were speaking of her today and how the Prince fell all over himself!"

"We should find out who she is and bury her," Raven said spitefully.

The scene cuts to the next day, in the palace grounds where Remy is playing tennis against Scott, who had been newly cast as the Marquis de Limoges. The two were really going at it, as though there were some unspoken fight between them, and as though they were hitting each other with the rackets rather than just the ball. The battle raged on, allowing all of the X-girls plenty of time to admire them. Kaya also took this time to admire the guys, while Tea was only looking at Pyro, who was making little fire-shapes for her while Kaya wasn't looking and threatening to steal his lighter.

Finally, Scott's hit went out, and the ball bounced off towards the crowd of happily crooning x-girls. Remy, determined to hit it back, ran backwards, eyes set on the ball when he tripped over the low wall, falling into the ever-crazier crowd. It was a fight, but finally he managed to disentangle himself from the net and the women, and he stood up, brushing off the dust. Both he and Scott scanned the court for the missing ball, when Scott pointed to a point just behind Remy. Remy turned to see Jean triumphantly holding up the tennis ball, a positively evil glint set in her eye.

Remy smiled at Jean, although it was obviously a forced one. He took the ball from her, forcing another smile as he did so.

"You're looking well, Jean," he said, lying through his teeth.

"You're welcome to look, Your Highness," Jean returned, also through her teeth.

"And cut!" Kaya said, finally releasing Scott from the telekinetic hold she'd had on him to stop him from charging over and hitting Remy hard on the head with his racket. "That was good, but Jean, could you please try to act like you actually want to be flirting with Remy?"

"That's gonna be hard," she muttered.

"That's why it's called 'acting'," Kaya pointed out. She looked at the four of them, Scott glaring at Remy for flirting with Jean, and Rogue glaring at Remy for flirting or even speaking to Jean. "And I think it's a term you all need to learn…" she muttered quietly.

The scene cuts to a bustling market place, and the camera finally comes to rest on a small stall run by Tabby, Amara and Rogue. As they work though, an unfortunately familiar voice comes to them from the crowd.

"Anna de Barbarac," Pietro sneered. "You-get-prettier-every-week."

"And you, Monsieur le Pie, are wasting your flattery," Rogue replied, flatly and deliberately very slowly.

"It's-a-pity-your-soil's-the-best-in-the-province...and-yet-so-poorly-tended," Pietro sneered again, darting around quickly.

"Pietro!" Kaya yelled out. "Please try to stand still, and read your lines at a rate we can all understand! Or I'll set Wanda on you!" Pietro glanced at his sister, who had that oh-so-evil-and-maniacal look all over her face.

"We have limited resources, sir," Tabby said, getting back to the play. "We do the best we can."

"Anything I can do?" Pietro asked, although it was obvious he had anything but helping on his mind.

"You should bring it up with the Baroness and stick to shopping," Amara said.

"I'd rather discuss it with Anna, if you don't mind," Pietro said spitefully to Amara, before turning his attention back to Rogue. "I may look twice as good as you, but I'm well-endowed, as evidenced by my estate."

"Pietro, do NOT change your lines!" Kaya called out angrily.

"I've always had a soft spot for the less fortunate," Pietro said as he rolled his eyes at the bossy director. "You need a wealthy benefactor. And I need a young lady with spirit."

"How about a girl that can knock ya out?" Rogue answered between clenched teeth, but before either Kaya or Tea could shout, she moved on with her proper lines. "Prunes?" she asked, offering him up a basket with a spiteful smile.

"No," he sneered. "I'll buy nothing this week. And you'd do well to remember that without my generosity, your pathetic little farm would cease to exist. So I'd be very, very careful if I were you," he finished, then slowly turned on his heel before walking away.

"Ooh! Horrible man!" Tabby said as he left. "If he didn't buy a bushel of vegetables every week...I'd spit on him!"

Both Amara and Rogue looked at Tabby. Evidently, with all the thought that had taken, they had expected her to come up with a better insult.

Across the marketplace, Jean and Remy were walking together, with Kitty and Raven behind, followed by several of the prince's guards.

"Ebay?" Kaya asked as she looked at the newly appeared extras. In reply, Tea simply nodded.

Remy stopped and turned to Jean, offering her a silver plate loaded with small pieces of brown food.

"Here," he said in his thick accent, which he had long ago stopped trying to suppress for these parodies. "Never have ya tasted anytin' so...delicious."

In reply, Jean closed her eyes and opened her mouth, waiting for Remy to give her the food. Remy looked put off by the idea, and Rogue and Scott were both struggling to go and beat up the offending persons. Jean felt somewhere between happy to have to put Remy through this, but disgusted by the very idea. In the end though, she telekinetically took the food.

"Mmm," she said happily as she chewed on it. Behind her, Kitty stepped forward, wanting to try some, but Raven held her back with an outstretched arm.

"Don't even think about it," Raven said harshly.

"Like it?" 'Prince' Remy asked after a moment.

"Like it?" Jean repeated. "Why, it's positively sinful. What's it called?"

"Er... chocolate," Remy said, handing the plate back to one of his guards as he began to move on again. "De Spanish monks keep sending bricks of it."

Moments later, they came down to the stall that Rogue, Amara and Tabby were running.

"These are our servants, Your Highness," Jean said, indicating towards the stall.

"Really? Oh, Ah'd love to meet them," Remy said as he stopped in front of the stall. Tabby and Amara could do nothing but stare at him in shock, which, of course, only went to his head, and he grinned. "Good day, ladies," he said, a great deal more flirtily than the script had intended.

Rogue looked up, about to yell at him for flirting with them when she realised that he was not supposed to see her. As a quick invention of cover, she threw a live chicken in his face, before scrambling away. It worked, catching Remy off guard, and sending him tumbling backwards.

"What are you doing?" Raven demanded as Remy found his footing again. "Trying to scare the Prince to death?"

"We were startled, that's all," Tabby said in defence.

Remy looked puzzled, pointing first at Amara and then at Tabby. "Were there just the two of you?" he asked.

"And the chicken, Your Highness," Amara said.

"Cut!" Tea yelled happily.

"Okay everyone, time to move set back to the mansion," Kaya said, having it in mind to do the next scene.

"One moment," Rogue said as she stormed across set to Remy, and slapped his hard around the face.

"Ah'm sure Ah didn't deserve that!" Remy said, ever so Captain-Jack-Sparrow-like, rubbing his cheek.

"Yeah, ya did!" Rogue shouted angrily.

Scott stormed up to Remy, too. "What was that!" he asked angrily, obviously still annoyed about the scene between Remy and Jean.

"It's called a script, mon ami," Remy replied, meeting his gaze coolly.

"Scott you really don't have to get so protective," Jean huffed as she stormed up to the group.

"Well what am I supposed to think?" Scott asked, whirling around to face Jean.

"That I was following the damn script!" Jean yelled.

"Ya should probably listen to ya girl," Remy said, then tried to duck out of the fight.

"His girl?" Jean repeated angrily. "I am not something to be possessed!" she yelled, sending a small telekinetic blast Remy's way.

"Oh, no, ya did not!" Rogue yelled at Jean having seen Remy stumble.

"He shouldn't get so cocky," Scott said, right before a glowing card found its way next to his face. Then it exploded.

Well, actually, everything exploded. Suddenly an argument had become a war between the four of them, with things getting thrown and insults being yelled. Everyone just watched in stunned silence until a book thrown by Scott accidentally hit Kitty.

Bad Move. Instantly, Piotr's nice face was gone, and he went into metal mode, before throwing himself into the fray. Boom Boom didn't wait for any reason and simply started throwing mini-bombs into the middle of the fight, before getting dragged into the brawl. Lance, having missed his chance to defend Kitty went after Scott anyway, so the rest of the brotherhood followed him into the fray. Pietro ran around and pushed Wanda in, so she dragged him into the middle of it, too, hexing everyone who happened to be near.

Soon, everyone was involved, save for Charles, Logan, Mystique, Eric, John, Tea and Kaya. Then one of Remy's explosions set a pile of scripts on fire, and John screamed with joy.

"You're their headmaster, for God's sakes!" Kaya called out to Xavier over the noise. "Can't you do anything?"

"I'm a telepath, not a miracle worker," Charles replied as he began to wheel himself away. "And not all lessons can be taught by me."

"Oh yeah, Chuck?" Logan asked as he started towards the fight. "I could teach em!"

Suddenly though, Logan stopped, his eyes wide as he had forgotten what he was about to do. Kaya frowned before noticing that Charles had his hands clasped to his temples, and was placing Logan under mind control for the safety of the universe.

"Oh yeah…." Logan said distantly as he trailed after Charles as they left the set.

"John…come with me," Tea called out as she grabbed Pyro's sleeve.

"Eh what, Sheila?" John asked. "Can't I just stay an' play with the fire? No fighting, I promise?"

"Awww," Tea said, then her face straightened, and her answer was flat. "No." With that, Tea threw an arm around John, held her other hand out to Kaya and 'ported them out.


	10. Of Comic Books, Kites and Fires

A/N Thank you again to everyone who has reviewed!

To Kari-Hermione, who knows when Rogue'll admit to liking Gambit? Lol, that's half the fun though! And the answers to your other questions are about to be revealed.

To Rogue238, we're glad you like it so much! We love Romyness too! The monastery scene is up next, as might be the gypsies.

To marajade963, the brawl was so much fun for us both to write. Hmm…Storm would have been helpful to have around to drench the cast and fire-proof the set, but I think she elected not to get involved in that one!

And to musicgirl141, we're glad you like it and are finding it funny. Thanks too for pointing out the name thing – we went back through to change them all to what they should be.

And so without any further ado, we proudly present…Chapter Ten!

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The next morning, Tea and Kaya snuck back onto set, with a cautious Pyro trailing not far behind them.

"I still don't know why you had to bring him back with us," Kaya whispered to Tea.

"Would you rather us come to a set today that's been burned down?" Tea replied in the same hushed tones.

"Well, no, but I'd rather go back to a house tonight that was still standing," Kaya said, glaring at Pyro.

"Sheila, I said I'm sorry about that," John whispered.

"Sorry doesn't quite cover destroying our living room," Kaya said.

"Well you got to take Remy home, so I ought to be able to bring John home," Tea retorted.

"It's not like I had any say in Remy coming with us. He sort of came of his own accord," Kaya replied as she looked around cautiously. Thankfully, despite the fight yesterday, most of the set was still standing, and it didn't appear there were any ambushes awaiting them, either, so they began speaking normally again.

"But you did want him to come back with us, didn't you?" Tea asked.

"Well, yes, but I wasn't actually going to act on that," Kaya replied.

"'Course you weren't, dear," Tea retorted sarcastically.

"I wasn't," Kaya replied through clenched teeth. "I didn't want to get my head bitten off by a certain southern Goth."

"Ah, there you two are," Charles said as he wheeled onto set.

"Yes, here we are…what did you want us for?" Kaya asked suspiciously.

"You are the directors, are you not?" Charles asked.

"Well…yeah," Kaya replied shrugging.

"Then we will be needing you during today's shooting. Also, I wanted to make sure the both of you were okay after a certain pyromaniac disappeared with you yesterday?" Charles enquired.

"Aww, he's harmless," Tea said, making John grin like the loon he was.

"No he bloomin' well isn't!" Kaya sighed, then turned to the Professor to explain. "He burned out our living room last night."

"Good heavens!" Charles exclaimed. "I trust your house still stands?"

"Just about," Kaya replied, giving John another vehement glare as he hid behind Tea. "Workmen have gotta fix it over the next couple of days though."

"Well you'd both be welcome to stay at the Institute," Charles suggested.

"Really?" Kaya asked hopefully, and Charles nodded. "Thanks ever so much."

"You're very welcome to stay as long as you want," Charles said kindly.

"Shame John's not part of the X-men," Tea muttered quietly, and Kaya pointedly ignored that comment, as the rest of the cast began to arrive on set.

"So, what are we filmin' today?" Rogue asked as she trudged on set. "No fluff scenes, Ah trust?" She asked, meaning 'Don't think for one moment that I'm gonna be in the mood to film those scenes today.'

"Not between you and Remy, no," Kaya replied.

"But…?" Rogue prompted, knowing there was more to that answer that was being given.

"There is a rather touching scene between Danielle and Rodmilla," Kaya replied.

"You're kiddin' me, right?" Rogue asked in disbelief.

"Nope," Kaya said quietly.

"It does kinda look like me, Sheila," John said from where he was standing with Tea, making the assembled cast look over at him. They were stood talking, but John held a little action figure of what appeared to be himself in his hands, and he was looking at it appraisingly.

"It is you – look, it's even got the same hair colour as you," Tea insisted.

The entire cast gave Kaya a completely confused look as Kaya made her way over to her little sister.

'Tea, dear,' Kaya said telepathically. 'What are you doing with that?'

'Pyro got it while he was in our dimension,' Tea replied in the same way.

"This is just plain weird, Sheila," John said as he finally looked up from the action figure. "Why do you have an action figure of me?"

"Because in our dimension, you're all comic book heroes," Tea explained offhandedly. There was a silent pause, and then Tea looked around at the stunned mutants. "Ooops…I wasn't supposed to say that was I?" she asked Kaya nervously.

"No," Kaya replied bluntly, looking back at the still silent mutants.

"We're all…comic book heroes where you come from?" Scott asked, and Kaya nodded. "Cool…"

"Seriously?" Kitty asked.

"Seriously," Kaya replied quietly. "Well, obviously, some of you are comic book villains, but you get the picture."

"Except for Magneto, who's real," Tea said, then, a moment later, "Ooops I wasn't supposed to tell them that, either, was I?"

"Not really, but we may as well tell them everything now," Kaya replied sarcastically.

"Okay," Tea replied happily. "Most of the British Empire still stands, steam power was never discovered, we're all vegetarian, the world deals in a single currency, and, oh yeah, our world is actually flat."

"I didn't actually mean tell them everything!" Kaya yelled as she accidentally levitated up to the high ceiling of the soundstage.

"But you said to," Tea complained.

"I said it sarcastically!"

"Well you should have made yourself more clear, shouldn't you? Sarcasm indeed!"

"It couldn't get much clearer!" Kaya shouted. "The rules were no getting separated in other dimensions, no messing up of timelines and no telling everyone the differences between our universes!"

"What rules? There were no rules!" Tea shouted back.

"Yes, there were rules, clearly stated and signed," Kaya replied. "Shall we just get on with the shooting now?"

"Good idea," Tea said, nodding.

"Okay people, if you could all just get into your costumes, filming will begin shortly," Kaya announced as she slowly descended from on high.

Slowly, the stunned cast began to leave to get ready for the shooting, save for Hank, who still stood in stunned silence.

"Fascinating…" was all he could quietly mutter.

"What in particular?" Kaya asked.

"How do you know your world is flat?" Hank asked.

"Because people have been there, and come back to tell us about it," Kaya replied flatly.

"Fascinating…" Hank muttered again, completely lost in his own thoughts and theories.

Finally, a few minutes later, the cast were assembled, and all was ready.

"Places people!" Kaya called out. "Lights! Camera! Action!"

Raven was sat lounging on a chair by the fire and Rogue brushed her hair. Obviously, Raven was already fantasising about what would happen when, not if but when, Jean became Queen.

"We must press for a quick engagement," she said to Rogue, smiling happily to herself. "Paris at Christmas. Can you imagine?" she asked, turning back to face her daughter, then her face fell. "No. I don't suppose you can," she said, then paused for a moment, seeing the look on Rogue's face. "My mother was hard on me too, you know," she said, almost defensively. "She taught me that cleanliness was next to godliness. She forced me to wash my face at least twenty times a day...convinced it was never clean enough. I was very grateful to her. She wanted me to be all that I could be. And here I am...a baroness. And Marguerite shall be Queen," Raven said, although in truth she still sounded a little sad. "It's a pity you never knew your mother," she said, turning back to face Rogue again, looking hard at her daughter's face. "There must be a little bit of her in you somewhere."

"Ah wish Ah knew what she looked like," Rogue admitted wistfully, and one couldn't help but to see it was true not only of her character, but of her, too.

"Yes," Raven said softly, before switching to a slightly harsher tone. "Well, we must never feel sorry for ourselves, must we?" she asked, and Rogue shook her head. "No matter how bad things get, they can always get worse."

"Yes, madam," Rogue said quietly.

"You have so much of your father in you," Raven sighed. "Sometimes I can almost see him looking out through your eyes."

"Really?" Rogue asked hopefully.

"Yes, well...Your features are so... masculine," Raven said, waving a hand as she realised she was getting too deep. "Well... to be raised by a man...No wonder you're built for hard labour."

There was a long pause then, before Rogue quietly asked, "Did you love my father?"

"Well, I barely knew him," Raven admitted softly, straining to hold back tears as her voice began to crack. "Now go away," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "I'm tired."

"And cut!" Tea shouted out through the silence, breaking the momentary peace and understanding that had been brought about between Rogue and Mystique. Both of them got up and moved away, trying to pretend that nothing had happened or changed, although any empath or telepath in the room knew different.

The cast and crew quickly moved out to one of the fields just outside the sound studio to film the next scene, with Rogue and Mystique avoiding each other studiously. Kurt kept glancing between the two of them, seeing that something was up but sensing that it was not yet the right moment to breach the subject with either of them.

Finally, everyone arrived and all of the equipment was set up, ready to begin filming. Kurt helped Rogue to launch Da Vinci's flying contraption up into the air, and it was so elaborate that it looked beautiful in flight. Unfortunately, it wasn't a very windy day, so it kept crashing down to the ground. To remedy this problem though, Jean and Kaya were employed in keeping it aloft through telekinesis when the wind dropped.

"Your turn," Kaya said casually to Tea.

Tea grinned in reply and 'ported in her bullhorn before shouting out, "LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!"

"Look, Kurt! It's floatin'!" Rogue called out, attempting to look amused by the sight of a kite flying.

"Why are you so happy?" Kurt asked from where he sat, painting. "You'll be svimming in manure if zey get married."

"Ah don't know why it bothers ya so," Rogue said as she kept her eyes on the kite. "Ah couldn't care less!"

"You're lying! The Prince would be your brother-in-law, and you, Comtesse de Lancret, would be bringing zem breakfast in bed," Kurt replied, shouting to her over his canvass, as Jean shuddered about the very idea of breakfast in bed with Remy.

"But they would move into the palace an' Ah could stay with the manor an' turn things around," Rogue explained.

"You like him. Admit it," Kurt challenged.

"Nope," came Rogue's simple reply.

"And I-I suppose if you saw him again, y- y-you'd simply..."

"Ah'd walk right up to him and say 'Your Highness, my family is your family. Please, take them away'," Rogue replied.

"Good," Kurt said abruptly, grinning at her as he glanced over to the east. "Because here's your big chance. He's headed this way!"

At this announcement, Rogue cast a worried glance over to the east, where she saw the prince and his guard riding towards them. She hesitated only a moment before dashing behind one of the towering haystacks nearby.

Prince Remy and his Royal guard rode straight up to Kurt, who gave a flamboyant bow.

"Ah'm looking for Signor da Charley, mon frere," Remy said.

"I not you're brother," Kurt said, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

"Not yet, but when Ah marry Rogue, ya'll be my brother in law, no?"

"No," Rogue stated flatly from behind the haystack. "Because we're not getting' married swamp rat!"

"Sure we are, chere," Remy said, producing a script from his saddlebag. "Says so right 'ere."

"It's just a script, Remy. Just 'cause we're gettin' married in the script don't mean we're ever gonna get married in real life!" she shouted back, rolling her eyes.

"Aww, ya don't mean that, do ya chere?" Remy asked, pretending to be hurt.

"Yes Ah-"

"Could we possibly get back to the script, please?" Kay asked patiently. Remy nodded enthusiastically, and flipped to one of the back pages.

"No, not the part where you get married!" Tea yelled through her bullhorn.

"Fine," Remy muttered under his breath, slipping his copy of the script into his saddlebag before continuing with the scripted play. "Ah'm lookin' for Signor da Charley. We're to go to the monastery. Have ya seen him?"

"Da Charley?" Kurt asked in surprise, trying to appear honoured to even hear the name while suppressing a new round of sniggers at the ridiculous nickname Xavier had gotten. "No, Your Highness."

"Well, is that not his flyin' contraption?" Remy asked impatiently as he motioned to the kite. On hearing this, Rogue let go of the string, as if that would make it disappear altogether. At any rate it ought to stop Remy getting an excuse to go over and find her. "Where did ya get it?" Remy demanded.

"From er...ze Comtesse de Lancret," Kurt blurted. "She is a friend of his."

"Ya'll know her?" Remy asked in surprise. "Please, Ah must find her. Where is she stayin'?"

"Er... I believe, Your Highness," Kurt said, keeping his voice loud enough for Rogue to hear what he was saying from where she was hiding, "that she is staying with a cousin. The erm Baroness Raven de Ghent."

At this news, Remy shook his head in dismay. "Hmm. That does present a problem," he said, knowing that if Raven were there, then Jean would likely be there also…which meant more fawning.

"But…" Kurt said as he saw the dilemma Remy was facing. "I do know that she is there, alone, by herself, at this very moment!"

At this, Remy brightened up immeasurably. "Excellent!" he said as he began riding off. Then he turned back, and, almost as an afterthought, said to Kurt, "Nice painting."

Kurt looked very pleased and proud as Remy rode off, watching him right towards the house.

"Kurt!" an angry-sounding Rogue shouted as she stormed out from the haystack. "Ya horrible little snipe!"

"Did you hear? He likes my work!" Kurt said, still flattered by his work. Piotr's art tips really were helping, expect he still hadn't found a good way to get paint out of his fur.

"And _he_ is headed toward my house!" Rogue shouted, glancing from the fast-moving horses back to Kurt.

"Then I suggest you run," Kurt suggested, giving his sister a smile. She smiled a little in return, thanking him for what she really ought to consider his help, before running off towards the house, as Kurt pretended to kick her on her way.

"And Cut!" Kaya shouted. "Well, I really do think that went rather well, don't you, Tea?"

"Are you joking?" Tea asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"No," Kaya insisted. "We didn't have any flat-out fights, there weren't too many deviations from the written script, and we haven't had any set fires today."

"I could change that for ya, Sheila," Pyro offered as he waltzed happily up to a haystack and aimed his lighter at it.

"John, no!" Kaya shouted, ripping the lighter out of his hands with her telekinesis.

"Too late," Tea mumbled as the haystack went up in flames.

"Fire!" John shouted happily as he began controlling the flames.

"Aww," Tea said happily.

"No, not 'aww'! He's burning up the whole field!" Kaya shouted as she watched the flames sear the field, spreading fast.

"EVACUATE!" Tea shouted through her bullhorn, and as her contribution to the evacuation effort, she grabbed Pyro's arm and 'ported him out.

"Oh, thanks for the help!" Kaya shouted out. "He's the only one who could actually help, and you 'port him out of here! There ought to be a rule! One water controlling mutant is to constantly chaperone your damn boyfriend at all times!" Kaya shouted to the thin air where Tea had stood a moment before. Then she looked around, and saw the fire spreading even more. Acting on instinct, Kaya lifted herself up into the air, and started to make a telekinetic shield around the fire in an attempt to stop it from spreading to the other fields.

Jean too had flown up there, and the two of them finally stopped arguing and started working together, sealing off the flames in a telekinetic firebreak of sorts.

"You think we can hold this?" Kaya asked as she strained to keep up the shield.

"I don't know!" came Jean's worried reply.

Down below, Kurt was busy teleporting out the rest of the cast and crew, while Bobby was trying to ice as much of the flames as he could. But the flames were too ferocious and spreading too much, and it was already a loosing battle. High above, the two telekines were straining and loosing strength fast.

"Get down before you fall down!" Jean shouted to Kaya, seeing her straining too much.

"You need help!" Kaya shouted back stubbornly.

The two of them managed to keep their powers going for a little while longer, but then Kaya's power finally gave out, and she fainted, falling back to earth. Just as she was about to hit the ground, a white streak flew past, catching her and saving her from certain doom.

"Look, up in the sky!" Scott said, pointing up.

"Is it a bird?" Kurt asked.

"Is it like, totally a plane?" Kitty asked.

"It's Superman!" Bobby shouted, thus revealing his foolish fanboyness.

"No, you idiots! It's Warren!" Tea yelled as she 'ported back in, having left Pyro somewhere safe.

"Ohhh," the other four said together as Warren flew off towards safety.

"What is it with her and men?" Tea mumbled, "Why do they all fawn over her?"

"Never mind that!" Scott said as the fire service began to arrive. "Jean, time to leave!" he called out. Jean nodded and flew back down as the firemen began to get out of their trucks. Tea held out her hands, and everyone grabbed onto her arms as she 'ported out.


End file.
